Rituals and Resolutions

For as long as I can remember, I have written all down all important dates on a wall calendar.  Specifically, a castles calendar.  I love castles.  It's the fairy tale + architecture side of me combined.  When I lived in Europe, I was able to visit several of them.  Otherwise, I admire them from the pages of my calendar.

In December of 2004, before we were dating, Bruce overheard me telling a friend that I couldn't find a castles calendar anywhere.  That was back when I frequented Borders bookstores and never did any online shopping.  Later that night, we were all hanging out at Denny's house, and Bruce presented me with a castles calendar he found at a random store.  He saved the day, and I think that's when I started developing feelings for him!  Bruce has given me a castles calendar for Christmas every year since.

Anyways, it's a ritual for me to ring in the New Year by transferring all the information over from the old calendar to the new one.  I mark all special dates with different colored Sharpie markers.  I know, I'm a total dork.  But I don't care.  It's my thing.  You might rely on your iPhone or whatever to remember dates, but heavens forbid it falls in the toilet or whatnot.  My castles calendar will be safely hanging on the wall, behind my bedroom door.  This way, I never forget a birthday or anniversary.  Paper covers technology.

This morning, I worked on my calendar.  Doing this always gets me thinking about the past and the future.  I get to revisit the events of the last year, like weddings and social functions we've attended.  I also get to envision what this next year will be like.  What do I want to happen?

I've seen a lot of blog posts with New Year's resolutions and a bunch about not making resolutions this year.  Bruce and I don't have resolutions, per se, rather goals we want to achieve.  Last year, we set our sights on buying our first home, and we happily accomplished that.  This year, we plan on saving more and paying off a sizable amount of debt.  We were doing really well until we bought the house.  Then we used all our savings for the down payment and other things last year.  With the new mortgage, we started using credit cards again when we couldn't pay cash.  This year, we are committed to spending only what we can afford.  

This will mean buckling down and saying no.  No to eating out as often, to going out with friends to the bar, to travel, etc.  Anything that isn't necessary will be scrutinized.  Of course, I don't want to drop off the face of the planet, but I don't want to keep watching our income go straight to credit card payments anymore.  Our livelihood will be so much better in the future if we can get rid of this debt.

Debt is like fat.  It's as easy to swipe a credit card as it is to eat a big greasy cheeseburger.  But then you pay for it later, because it's so hard to get rid of.  Bruce's and my other goal is to continue losing weight and living a healthier lifestyle.  Bruce lost over 30 lbs last year! And since I started counting calories in October, I've lost 16.  I'd like to lose at least 20 more, we'll see.  I try to do yoga or a workout video on YouTube every other day.  Bruce is going to join the gym at his work.  When it gets nicer out, I want to do a lot more walking, biking, and playing outdoors together as a family.

We want to raise Emmie to understand that it's important to take care of her body.  We eat fresh fruits and vegetables every day, but we could do more to eat well.  I had a couple students last term write really convincing argumentative papers about the benefits of vegetarianism.  While we like being meat-eating Midwesterners, we realize that we can cut out a potion of the meat we eat on a regular basis.  Thus, we are going to start practicing Meatless Mondays.  I'm actually kind of excited about this, because there's a lot of great vegetarian recipes I'd like to try.

By eating better, I also mean to eat better quality food.  I'd like to start getting seasonal produce.  If we can afford to shop at the Farmer's market during the warmer months, we will.  I want to be more conscious about how my food is grown, made, and raised.  I think that eating 'closer to the earth' is good for our bodies as well as the planet.

I've become increasingly aware of how humans treat the earth.  I have this thing, a Catholic-guilt thing.  It affects how I live my life, how I treat others, even how I think.  I always imagine me at the gates of heaven.  St. Peter is standing there, and he shows me a movie montage of my life.  "Remember when you did this?" he asks, and I see me behaving badly, like hurting someone's feelings.  Then I feel bad.  This image deters me from doing what I believe to be wrong.

Well, I had a thought the other day.  Humanity's religions are guides for how we should treat ourselves and others.  There are political laws in place for these purposes as well.  They even dictate how we should treat animals.  But what about the earth?  What if I was standing at the pearly gates, and I see a playback of all those years I lived in the city and didn't recycle?  Or when I used to smoke and would throw cigarette butts out the window?  I feel totally guilty about that.  The only penance I can do is to treat the earth better going forward.  I want to do what I can: recycle, of course, but also create less waste, use environmentally-friendly cleaning products.  I want to get a rain barrel this year for watering plants, for instance.

Becoming an adult and a parent has changed me.  I realize now that everything I do has an effect, not only on my life, but on Emmie's, and everyone else's.  In 2014, and all subsequent years of my life, I will keep trying to improve.  I'm not going to punish myself if I'm not perfect, but that will be the overarching objective - to keep trying.

If I look back at all my castles calendars, they show what I did and where I went over the years.  However, they don't really reflect how I've grown as a person.  That can only be measured by how I live my life and the legacy I leave behind.