Farewell, 2013

There isn't an adjective to adequately describe this year.  We bought our first house, moved in, and learned how to be a family of three again.  I've counted my blessings many times over.  I can only hope the new year will be as prosperous!

Art by Bruce and Ariana

Tonight we chose to stay home instead of celebrating in the city.  Mainly to save money, but also just because we wanted to be here all together.  We have a few friends over and had a potluck dinner.  Outside there's another winter storm, but inside it's nice and comfy.

Wherever you are, whatever you're doing, I wish you a safe and happy New Year!

Sesame Street Party!

Whew! The past week has been nonstop.  It started the weekend before with Emmie's 2nd birthday, then Christmas festivities, and then I worked at the store on the second busiest shopping day of the year and this past weekend.  I'm beat.

It was all worth it, though, because Emmie's birthday was a big success!  Bruce and I did most of the preparations in advance.  There were a couple LATE nights there, which we anticipated.  He got the downstairs trim painted, and I got the house cleaned up.  My vision for the house is becoming a reality!  On the day of the party, we had plenty of help from friends.  It was great to have so many people who love Emmie in our house, celebrating.

The party was Sesame Street-themed, and much of my inspiration came from Pinterest.  I'm telling you, that website's rocked my world.  Long before I joined the site, I had read this blog post by Mom-101 about Pinterest parties vs. lazyish parties.  "That looks like a lot of work," I remember thinking.  But actually, it was fun to be creative!

Some of the decorations we got from Party City, like this life-sized Sesame Street wall art and banner.  Emmie was at eye-level with most of the characters.  We showed it to her as soon as she woke up, and she proclaimed with child awe, "This is happy!"  Our hearts melted.

For the goody bags, we bought crayons and coloring books at the dollar store.  We included a bag of Goldfish crackers and a note we made on the computer.  I searched "Elmo templates" online for the picture.  The note reads, "Elmo loves his goldfish, his crayons, too.  Now so can you!" Which is a play on the little song Elmo sings at the end of his show.  We also bought party hats for the kids.

One of my favorite features was the Oscar the Grouch garbage can.  Again, I searched "Oscar the Grouch templates" and printed one off.  Then I put our friend 8-Track in charge of wrapping the garbage can in aluminum foil.  He was chuckling the whole time he worked.

Bruce drew a Sesame Street sign on the chalkboard wall, and I wrote "This party brought to you by the letter E and the number 2."

From Pinterest, we also got the idea to arrange the fruit and veggies to look like the show characters.  We had a cherry tomato, carrot, and black grape Elmo.  Oscar was made out of broccoli and carrots for eyebrows.  They were cute, but as soon as people started eating, the faces were all distorted.  We also got an Elmo's World birthday cake from Target.  Emmie is obsessed the little toy Elmo, Mr. Noodle, and Dorothy that came on top.  The cake tasted good, too!

The most special piece of the whole Sesame Street birthday party was Bruce's gift to Emmie.  She needs art in her bathroom, which is decorated with rubber duckies.  He made her this canvas art with colored pencils and Sharpie markers.  When Emmie opened it (okay, when I opened it for Emmie), everyone clapped.  He did good.  Emmie loves it.

We didn't have to spend a lot of money to have a unique, special 2nd birthday party for Emmie.  The little touches just added to the joyfulness.  As parents, it was really amazing to see our daughter get excited about her birthday, and to know that we contributed to that.  Emmie had the best day, one she won't soon forget.  Even this morning, she was singing as she played with her Elmo toy, "Happy birthday to Emmie."

Happy birthday, baby.  Two years ago, when you were born, we received the best present ever.  And it keeps getting better!

Happy Christmas

to all, and to all a good night!

A Long December

T.S Eliot mused in his renowned 1922 poem, "The Waste Land," that "April is the cruellest month." That's kind of how I've been feeling about December, though with the lows also comes the highest highs.

It dawned on me the other day that this month will always be my most stressful.  While most people have the usual pressures of the holidays, as a college instructor I have the extra weight of finals. In my case, that means grading papers nonstop. And that, my dear readers, is why I haven't posted to this blog in over a week.

On top of grading, my daughter's 2nd birthday falls right before Christmas. We're having her party here at the house, and trying to get ready for it in the precious free time we have has left little to spare.  So far, we've ordered the cake and some food.  Some of the food I'll be making, too, who knows when.  We've got decorations, plates, napkins, cutlery, and pop.  We still need to get water, juice, fruit, veggies, and chips.  

I really do love to throw parties, but all the preparations are tedious!  I want the party to be neat for Emmie and her little friends.  I pinned a zillion "Sesame Street" party ideas to Pinterest and a few I'm going to try to implement.  This might mean an all-nighter coming up in the next few days.

Since I posted grades on Tuesday I've been trying to clean up: scrubbing bathrooms and countertops, washing sheets and clothes, dusting and polishing.  After Emmie goes to bed at night, Bruce slaves away painting the downstairs trim.  We want the house to look its best since many people will be here for the first time.  We're still really proud of our modest duplex and want it to looks its best.

What is the one thing I've been wanting forever?  A new couch cover!  Bruce's mom got us one for Christmas and gave it to us early for the party. Yay!  No more old blue couch!  We got some new pillows the other day, too.  The front room looks so much better.  The new beige couch cover with the white trim really makes everything seem more modern.

Old Blue, ugh.

Like a new couch.  And see the white trim peeking through?

All of this has been going on with Christmas shopping thrown into the mix.  We've been going out every night to stores - and so has the rest of America.  It's like it never ends!

My side of the family is easy.  We're really low-key about presents.  A gift card, some pictures of Emmie in a frame, everybody's happy.  We really focus more on getting together and eating than anything.  So there's no worries there.

It's Bruce's family that always causes us contention.  As I've mentioned before, his mom and sister are the most generous people.  They love to shop, and that love is matched equally by their love for giving presents.  I'm actually a little afraid of what it'll be like after Emmie's birthday and Christmas.  Will we be able to see our floor?  Will there be toys in every nook and cranny of the house?  Every time Bruce's parents come over they bring a box, and the same for when we visit them.  The presents have to be brought over in phases, because there's no way they'll all fit in the car in one trip.  Both Bruce's mom and sister keep muttering, "I feel like I haven't got enough for Emmie..."  To which Bruce and I look at each other in horror, and assure them they absolutely have.

This is wonderful of them, really.  I mean, since Bruce's mom loves to give we are the beneficiaries of the couch cover we wanted.  I am completely thankful.  BUT the shower of gifts from Bruce's family sometimes feels like a tsunami.  And we're powerless to it.  I mean, our home isn't that big.  I worry about clutter.  On top of really useful gifts, we get random ones that are unnecessary.  Where do I put all these things?  And if I don't use them, I feel bad.  For instance, the other day Bruce's mom brought over a double-tiered Christmas platter.  "You can use it for the party," she suggested.  So now I have this platter I don't really have room for in the cabinets.  It went in the basement.  And I certainly will have to use it, or I will surely be asked about it.

The other hardship for us is that be being the recipients of such material goodwill, we feel compelled to return the benevolence.  So we spend a lot of money on Bruce's family.  Way more than we spend on my family and each other.  Of course, it's not a competition, but in some regards, it feels like it.

"She's so generous to us," Bruce will say, as we look at one more thing for his sister.

"I really don't think your sister wants us to go broke for her sake," I respond gently.  But in the shopping cart the thing still goes.  It really sucks to open a bunch of presents and watch the person who gave you so much just open one or two.  We really want to be generous, too.

We're not going to go broke, but times are tight in December.  Since I am on break from school, I don't get a paycheck at the end of the month.  Depending on my classes, sometimes I don't get paid until the beginning of February.

Then add Emmie's birthday.  And Christmas.

That's part of the reason why I work holiday retail.  Problem is, this year sales are down at the mall, and I've got just one shift coming up on Saturday night, right when I should be cooking for the party.  Figures.

But let's look at the bright side.  Bruce really loves the band The Head and the Heart.  They were coming to town for a holiday concert.  There was no way we could afford tickets to it, not in December.  So I entered a contest I saw on Twitter.

We won!

We frickin' won.  Bruce and I got to go downtown and attend a VIP pre-party at the gorgeous Chicago Theatre.  I'm a nerd for Chicago history and architecture, and I've always wanted to go there.  We went in a side door, got passes on lanyards that declared "VIP" in big letters, and got our photo taken on a red carpet.  Well, there wasn't any carpet, but there was a backdrop and a photographer.  We ate free jumbo shrimp cocktail, steak on skewers, crab cakes, and more, and drank free beer and wine.  We had floor seats for the concert.  It was unreal.

We bought Bruce a concert T-shirt for a Christmas gift.  The whole time, I kept thinking about my favorite Christmas story, O. Henry's The Gift of the Magi.  If you don't remember it, it's the one where the poor, young married couple sacrifices what they have to give generously to the other.  She cuts her hair to buy him a pocketwatch fob.  He sells his pocketwatch to buy her tortoiseshell combs for her hair.  On Christmas day, the gifts are meaningless except for the profound love they represent.

The narrator ends the story by commenting that they are "two foolish children", but that "of all who give gifts these two were the wisest ... They are the magi."

Winning tickets to the show isn't the same as that story.  I sacrificed nothing.  We were just very, very lucky.  But it made me think about the wonderful gifts we receive in life.

My daughter was born this month.  She is the greatest gift I've ever received.

I get to spend Christmas with her and my terrific husband in our new house.  The days will be full of family and good cheer.

All the work, all the stress, all the money we end up spending, it doesn't mean anything.  All that matters is spending time with family and friends and showing them how much they mean to us.

Let It Snow

When we first viewed our now-home, spring was making a late start, and snow was on the ground.  Looking back, it was far from ideal to buy a house under those conditions.  Snow covered the roof, so the inspector couldn't tell what kind of shape it was in.  The snow also hid the neighbor's unsightly driveway that runs alongside our house.

But everything was pretty in the snow.  We fell in love with the house, all blanketed white, yet warm and cozy inside.
Now here we are, spending our first winter as its residents.  We are expected to have a very snowy season, and so far the predictions have been right.  Emmie is dazzled by the world outside the windows.  The branches of the big pine trees in the cul-de-sac are heavy with snow, and the passing breeze blows it into the air like glitter.

The backyard is calling for us to go play.  I can't wait to bundle Emmie up in snowpants and boots, mittens and her knit hat complete with pom on top.  We can build our very own Frosty - whom she's obsessed with right now.

This yard needs a snowman!

I haven't been able to take her out yet because the past couple weeks have been really busy.  It's the end of the semester, and like always, I have stacks of papers to grade.  Yesterday was my last night class, though, so I'm in the homestretch.  I can't wait to concentrate on getting the house ready for Emmie's birthday party and all the holiday festivities.

I'm also glad to be done with work since I found out that the roads are bad out here when it snows.  It's fairly rural where we live, and it takes a while for the roads to get plowed.  This past Sunday it was only supposed to flurry, but instead ending up sticking to the streets.  My compact car slipped the whole way to school and back.  A couple times I thought I was going to slide right into another car.  I've been driving in Illinois winters since I was 17, so I know to go slow, keep my distance, and let off the brake, but it was still nerve-wracking.

Last night the warning came: beware the winter storm during rush hour!  They literally reported that the roads would be "treacherous."  I worried for Bruce, who has to take these back roads and the tollway to go to work.  He left way early, but was still late this morning.  It didn't turn out to be as bad as they envisioned (it almost never is anymore), but it wasn't great, either.

There are some things we'll have to get used to, living out here.  The open fields resemble stark canvases, the trees glisten with icicles, and the Christmas lights reflect off the snow like stars, but we also have to travel long slushy roads, cloaked in black ice, to get to work or see family.  Luckily, we live in the heart of our little town, so necessities are close by and easy to get to.

In the next few months, the weather may get frightful, but the days when we have nowhere to go will be delightful.

This Vacation is Exhausting

I've technically been off work (meaning school) since Tuesday, but every day has been on the go.  I'm realizing that the older I get, especially since now I'm a parent, the days of lounging on the couch and binge watching TV shows on weekends or holidays are long gone.  There's always something going on.

Here's a run down of the past few days:

Tuesday

My first day off from school, I told the purse store I could come in for a few hours.  I took Emmie to Bruce's parents' house, which is nearby, and worked from 3 - 7 pm.  Then I drove back to their house and hungrily wolfed down some pot roast and rutabagas his mom made.  Bruce had gone straight there after he got off work.  We stayed and socialized for a bit, then drove two separate cars back home.  It was super windy and the car felt like it was getting pushed around by drunk giants.  I was glad to get home and put my feet up.

Wednesday

Bruce took a half day and was home by lunchtime.  We bundled up like Eskimos (it was 28°!) and drove out to the city.  It was the second day of Chicago's annual Christkindlmarket in Daley Plaza and we were taking Emmie for the first time!

When I lived in Europe, I visited the Christkindlmarkts in Germany, and fell in love with the tradition.  When I moved back to America and subsequently to Chicago, I discovered the one here.  Each year the Christkindlmarkts come out with a unique mug out of which you can drink hot spiced wine, or glühwein.  I collect them and couldn't wait to get a new one.

My glühwein mug collection, and a Weihnachtspyramide from Bruce's childhood

Chicago's Christkindlmarket with Picasso's sculpture in the background

After driving around looking for affordable parking in the downtown, we ended up in a garage that charged outrageous prices.  Sigh.  We walked over to the plaza and immediately got a mug with glühwein and ate some Currywurst with Brötchen, potato pancakes with applesauce and sour cream, and Käsespätzle.  I was so happy.  Eating the foods from my past connect me with those times again.

Afterwards, we browsed the market stalls.  Emmie got to meet the Christkind, a young woman with long blond curls, golden crown and silvery robes, who represents the fairy spirit that brings the children of Germany their Christmas presents.  She roams the festival and greets the little ones.  Emmie stared at her in awe and later called her "Beauty lady."

Then we stood in line for Santa's house.  By then, it was getting dark and all the layers couldn't stop my toes and legs from stinging with cold.  I held Emmie in my arms, bouncing her up and down, trying to keep her face out of the wind.  Eventually, it was our turn, and she got to sit on Santa's lap!  She wasn't scared at all.  She whispered that she would like some toys, but he thought she said "cars."  We'll see what he brings her!

Thursday - Thanksgiving

The next day, we woke up leisurely.  After breakfast, I made two dozen deviled eggs, my specialty.  Holidays always means egg peeling for me.  We brought half to Bruce's aunt and uncles' house, where we also met Bruce's parents, sister, and cousins.  The eggs got gobbled up - pun intended.  We stayed for a couple hours and then drove down to my parents' house for dinner.  The rest of the eggs were quickly snatched up by my brother.  My mom made a great turkey and all the fixings, followed by homemade pumpkin and pecan pies.

We were pleasantly stuffed.  There was no counting calories that day, that's for sure!

"Black" Friday

I had to work 8-4:30 pm and Bruce generously drove me to the mall, so I didn't have to park at the offsite parking for employees.  It was busy at the store, but nothing like last year where you couldn't barely turn around without bumping into someone.  I think that a lot of people are fed up with the crowds and would rather do their shopping online.

Bruce's sister picked me up after work and took me home.  She had stayed at their parents' house the night before, but was staying at our place on Friday night.  I was completely worn out, but we adults stayed up after Emmie went to bed, talking and imbibing in some Christmas spirit.

Saturday

We all hung around lazily in the morning.  Originally, we were supposed to meet with my aunt for breakfast, but she got sick and cancelled at the last minute.  So Bruce's sister stayed and watched Emmie so Bruce and I could run some errands.  We picked up some food from a local hot dog place for lunch - supporting our town's small businesses on Small Business Saturday.  They're my favorite lunch place anyways.  I'd always rather give my money to the independent places than the mega-corporations.

"Before" wood trim

We also purchased the supplies we need to paint the trim.  I asked Bruce if we could at least get the downstairs done before Emmie's birthday party later this month, so he started yesterday!  I read blog posts by LiveLoveDIY and Young House Love on how they painted their trim, plus a few more how-to articles.  We got a 2" angled trim brush with short comfort grip handle and some painter's tape.

I pretty much kept Emmie occupied while Bruce worked for hours.  He's awesome.

"After" - white trim

We loved the way it's turning out!  The beige wall color looks really pretty now, instead of bland.  The house no longer shows its age; it seems bright and fresh.  The pictures on the wall really pop.

We choose to keep the handrail and post of the stairs the original wood color for now, for practical reasons.  I was inspired by Pinterest to do it that way.  We can always paint it later if we change our minds.

Bruce painted until almost midnight.  The trim needed three coats, and the stair spindles were time consuming.  He finished one half of our living room, but the rest shouldn't be too hard to do.  I offered to help, but we need another brush and a babysitter for that!

Today, Sunday

Bruce's parents are coming over to watch the Bears vs. Vikings game at noon.  I can't wait for them to see the trim!  

This is my last day off from school and the first Sunday game I can watch.  Bruce is going to make guacamole, but I'm in charge of running to the store for the ingredients, beer, and wine. Gotta go!

Maybe later tonight, Bruce and I will get a chance to really relax. Then, it's back to the grind.

Happy Thanksgiving!

All of us here hope you had a day of good company, good food, and good cheer.  We certainly did!  There is so, so much to be thankful for.

The Whole Picture

In the year that we lived with Bruce's parents, time sort of stopped.  We were living our lives, yes, but it was all out of focus.  We were going through the motions in the most minimal way.

Most new parents take a plethora of photos of their first-born child.  Usually, some of those get framed and displayed.  We took hundreds of pictures in Emmie's first year and a half, but there was little follow through.  Why print pictures if you have no wall space of your own to hang them?  Last year, we got portrait studio pictures taken around Christmas.  Since it was a package deal, we got a few 8" x 10"s and smaller prints.  We gave some to our folks, who did the normal grandparent thing and put them out for everyone to see.  Our copies, however, stayed in the envelope and got tossed in a box.

One thing our new home has been missing is photos.  We have the ones that were already framed of our wedding, friends, and family on the stairway ledge down to the basement, but we have almost no pictures up of Emmie!  It felt very weird and bare here, like we weren't acknowledging the most significant aspect of our life.  Before the housewarming party, I cut up a collage photo of Emmie's baptism and used the 4" x 6" from it for a cute owl frame we got as a gift.  That was the only photo out on the whole first floor.

Recently, we discovered a black and white photo collage my friend Jeanette made us for our engagement.  It has six snapshots of Bruce and me from when we were dating.  We forgot we had it!  It, too, went up in the living room.

For the housewarming, one of our friends got us a gift card to a home furnishings store.  I found an awesome picture frame/shelf set online on clearance.  We used a free shipping code, plus another coupon and the gift card to get it super cheap.  Bruce is all about couponing and getting a great deal.

It was at our doorstep when we got home yesterday.  Bruce promptly started drilling and hammering.  I pulled out the prints from that box, including the Christmas ones from last year.  We had just enough for each frame.  

We're really pleased with how it turned out.  It adds character to one of the many blank walls and best of all, we can show off pics of our adorable daughter now!

This morning, I made an appointment with a portrait studio for this year's Christmas photos.  You can be sure that those pictures will make an appearance on our walls.

Slowly and steadily, we are adjusting to this new vision of our lives.

Deck the Halls

Who says it's too early to start decorating for Christmas?  One of the radio stations here in Chicago started playing carols just after Halloween... Our town hung Christmas trees and lights on all the lamp posts last week... And we've already had snow.  The signs are all around us!

Anyways, Bruce and I have holiday fever this season.  The combination of having a toddler and our first real home is just too exciting.  At Halloween, it was all about pumpkins and trick-or-treating in our neighborhood.  Since we always spend Thanksgiving at our families' houses, we're already looking ahead to Christmas.

Bruce loves shopping for presents, so he started that a few weeks back.  Now he also relishes in delighting our daughter with all the merriment.  This is the first year she's really able to appreciate the festivities.  She gleefully notices Santas and Rudolphs everywhere.  For me, I love the traditions, family time, and domesticity.  We simply couldn't wait to put up the tree.  Plus, with my work at school and the store, Bruce's work and school, holiday parties and other social events, we weren't really sure when we'd have another opportunity.

Yesterday, Bruce came home from work and put Christmas music on the stereo.  I made spaghetti with homemade 'gravy' and Italian sausage - one of Bruce and Emmie's favorite meals.  After that, we decorated for hours and hours.  In my head, I had imagined that it would be an enchanted evening, Emmie oohing and aahing over the ornaments while I delicately placed them on the tree.  Bruce would hang the (plastic) mistletoe and we'd kiss under it.  A halo of love would surround our family.

In reality, we had moments of that, but it was mostly a lot of this: "Emmie, no touch! Only look!" And, "Emmie, give that back to Mama, please!"  Also, "Emmie, be careful!" 

Haha.  It was absolute wonderchaos (a word I thought I coined, then Googled and found already existed.  Darn!).  Everything was so fun for Emmie, she kind of spun out of control.  New little toy-looking things everywhere! Must touch!

Still, we got the tree, ornaments, and decorations up.  All our things are lovely in the new house.  Last year, we received a lot of ornaments as presents, but had no tree of our own to hang them.  It actually stung a bit to receive them.  This year, they have a place to be displayed.  The sting is gone.

I've always dreamed of having a front window to feature our Christmas tree.

The final touch was to put the star atop the tree.  Then I poured hot glühwein (a tradition I've kept from visiting the Christkindlmarkts in Europe) into two mugs for Bruce and me.  We bundled up Emmie and went outside to admire our work.

Back inside, we had some pumpkin pie and put an overexerted Emmie to bed.  Bruce and I sat on the couch in the living room, relaxing and appreciating, while Minnie the cat settled in to her favorite spot under the tree.  The holidays this year are particularly special for all of us.

Stormy with a Chance of Meatballs

If you've been following the news or social media at all, you probably heard about the severe weather outbreak we had here in Illinois and across the Midwest yesterday.

Three days prior, on Thursday, I caught a tweet from the National Weather Service out of Chicago cautioning the potential threat for Sunday.  Because I have a phobia of tornadoes, I immediately started worrying.

"What's the point?" Bruce firmly questioned.  It upsets him when I get upset, especially since there was no imminent danger.  "There are days and days until there might be bad weather.  Let's not ruin them; let's enjoy them!"

As usual, Bruce was the voice of reason.  So I tried my best.  On Friday night, it was one of our best friend's birthday.  Bruce's parents agreed to watch Emmie overnight so we could go to the city and celebrate.  The week before, I had the opportunity to go out sans child, but this weekend was even better, because it was Bruce and me.  We met our friends and Bruce's sister at the apartment, then we all went out to a corner bar and sang karaoke.  During that time, I didn't stress out about the impending storms.  I was too busy having fun.

Saturday was a different story.  With every passing hour, the threat for severe weather was upgraded.  The storms were predicted to start rolling in over night.  All the meteorologists I follow on Twitter were talking about it.  I know, it's maybe not such a good idea to perpetuate my fears by reading everything possible about the weather.  But I do.  At home again with Emmie, I was like a caged animal, pacing the house, imagining the sirens going off overnight and not getting Emmie to the basement in time.  I was afraid to sleep.  I envisioned the house blowing apart.  I was living the danger before it even happened.  This is what happens to people who panic.  It is absolutely miserable, for the person experiencing the anxiety and for that person's loved ones.  Bruce felt helpless.

I haven't mentioned this before, but a few months back I started seeing a therapist about my anxiety issues.  My doctor is awesome and helped me get on the plane to California for my friend's wedding in August.  I am understanding now that I should have sought help immediately after I got robbed.  The fears that developed from that experience have been manifested in new ways.  I'm out of the city now, so the threat of getting robbed has diminished quite a bit.  Therefore, it's been replaced by a new threat: tornadoes.  Knowing all this, I attempted to manage my anxiety through the techniques I've learned from my therapist and by doing yoga, but none of it worked too well.

Luckily for me, my friend Denny had no plans on Saturday night, so we invited him over.  Having a friend over helped me to feel more normal.  I don't know why, but when I'm together with Bruce and Emmie, I worry more.  Denny's presence was a welcome distraction.  I was still super concerned, but I did my best to keep things somewhat in check as we talked and watched Saturday Night Live.

I was able to sleep a few hours and woke up refreshed.  By then, the threat had been upgraded to high:

Please RT & give your friends & family a heads up! A dangerous severe wx outbreak is possible tomorrow: http://t.co/9inF6aZ1H1 #ilwx #inwx
— NWS Chicago (@NWSChicago) November 17, 2013

I took a shower and had breakfast with Denny and my family.  Bruce made pancakes, yum!  After, Denny left to go get his daughter and make it home while it was still calm outside.  Then I started preparing, because a tornado watch had been issued and there were already reports of dangerous storms in the area.  Luckily, we have an room in the basement that is away from windows.  I filled a water jug and put it down there along with snacks, blankets, a diaper bag, and shoes for me and Bruce.  The shoes are in case there is a tornado, you don't cut your feet on debris.

When the sky started to darken, we all went downstairs, including the cat.  We hung out there for hours.  In times like that, I am utterly grateful that we got a house with a finished basement.  Bruce and Emmie played; I sat at my desk and checked email.  It was like any other day.  Emmie had no idea that anything was amiss.

Denny's meatball recipe, usually made for a party.

By late morning, in between storm warnings, Bruce went upstairs and got our crockpot and ingredients to make lunch.  He made meatballs in the basement!  He grabbed us each a beer and we ate at the table down there, making the most of the situation.

While report after report came in about tornadoes everywhere, by our house it stayed relatively quiet.  We got a few severe thunderstorm warnings that said 80-90 mph winds and golf ball-sized hail was headed our way, but nothing happened.  Only one time, for about ten minutes, did we go in the little 'safe' room.  Emmie ate a cookie while we waited it out.

By around 2 p.m., the tornado watch in Illinois was cancelled.  The threat was over.  I felt the hugest sense of relief.  We spent the rest of the day gratefully, together as a family.

We were very, very lucky.  Other parts of Illinois were demolished.  Seven counties have been declared disaster areas by our governor.  Bruce was going to drive to one of the towns to see if he could help, but by the time he would've gotten there, it would've been dark.  Plus, right now it's unsafe to have random people around the destruction.  Still, I am planning on doing what I can to help the victims of yesterday's terrible events.  Please consider doing the same.

Deadly storms can and do happen - at any time.  Worrying about them doesn't do anyone any good.  It's a waste of time and energy.  Instead, all anyone can do is have a plan and be prepared.  

November is the month when we give thanks.  Yesterday was an unfortunate reminder that we should be thankful every day for what we have and the people we love.

Girls' Night Out

I am still begrudgingly spending all my available time on my online class work, but I thought I'd take a break and share the good times from last weekend.

A view out the hotel window.  Hello, Chicago river!

On Saturday I went to a Bachelorette party in the city.  It was the first time I've ever left Emmie and Bruce overnight.  I did once when we lived with Bruce's parents, but that doesn't count.  At first, it was hard for me to leave because earlier in the week Emmie got a flu shot and was showing signs of illness.  I called my mom, a pediatric nurse, and she assured me that since Emmie didn't have a fever, it was perfectly fine for me to go.

I drove out and met one of my best girlfriends, Jeanette, at her apartment.  It was like old times, when we were neighbors and I'd drop in whenever I wanted.  Her husband drove us downtown to the hotel where the party was starting off.

There were so many old friends and familiar faces!  I sipped champagne, chatted, snacked on appetizers, and watched the bride play silly Bachelorette games.  Involving lingerie, of course.

Then we all took cabs to a blues club that I used to frequent.  It was packed, like always.  There was more drinking, talking loudly over the music, and dancing.  It was a blast!  The bride had a wonderful night.  Towards midnight, Jeanette and I took a cab back to her place, where her husband and some other friends were hanging out.  It was a fun blur, a much needed solo adventure.

Kingston Mines

The next day, I woke up at Jeanette's and got ready for work.  My intention was to go straight there and use the extra couple hours before class to grade papers without distraction.  As I got closer to home, though, the urge to see Bruce and Emmie overtook me.  Bruce had explained to Emmie that I wouldn't be home until much later, so when I walked in the door, it was a surprise.

Emmie was still sniffly, but in good spirits.  We were all happy to see each other.  Taking one evening to myself was all the time I needed.

Success After Failure

It's past midnight.  I'm still up because I've been working on my online class, the one that I thought I wouldn't get any work done for in time.  Well, I just sent off an email with multiple attachments full of lesson materials.  Not everything, but hopefully enough to take some of the pressure off.

After writing my last post, all seemed pretty dismal.  I was stressed out about work.  I felt like a bad mom for not getting Emmie to the potty in time.  But then, guess what?  Emmie told me she needed to go again.  We raced upstairs, and this time, she did it!  For her, the situation was strange, but then she reacted to my overt elation.

"Emmie, you did it!" I cheered.  I think I even clapped.

"Yay!" She shouted, raising her arms in the air.  She was my champion.  We had both achieved success.

Toil and Toilets

 I'm writing this knowing full well that I have about a hundred other things to do.  For the past couple weeks, I have been under water with work.  Probably not the best time to start potty training Emmie, but hey - when it rains, it pours.

Emmie's "office"

Except when a certain toddler is sitting on the toilet.  Emmie did great on Saturday, the first day of training.  She tinkled, and it took her by surprise.  We praised her; she beamed.  Ever since, she tells me she has to go potty.  I take her to the bathroom upstairs, pull off her pants, sit her down... and then nothing.  She looks at books and kicks her feet.  We talk.  That's it.

If I could focus solely on potty training, this wouldn't be so frustrating to me.  But I'm totally overwhelmed lately.  I have a rotating stack of papers on my desk that need to be graded.  I have student recommendations I promised to write.  On top of that, I am working on a new online class for the spring.  The 3rd party company my school contracts to run the online program needs all my materials tomorrow.  In the past, I've posted the materials to my courses myself as the weeks went by.  This time, they are being more adamant about doing it for me - way in advance.  I resent the lack of autonomy.

Creating all these documents up front is an incredible amount of work.  Just imagine - anything that I might say to students standing up in front of the classroom, I have to find a way to present to them in a different form.  Mostly it's a lot of writing.  Instead of being able to talk and gesture freely, correcting myself or clarifying when necessary, I need to write out everything.  The writing needs to be precise.  That takes a lot of thought and time.

My "office" in the basement

I could do PowerPoints, but those take even longer to create because you have to think about graphics, transitions, etc.  I could do video presentations, but from where would I record them? My basement?

On top of that, I have been advised to compose objectives (at least 5), have a self-scoring assessment (of at least 10 questions), and post additional suggested materials to correspond to each weekly lesson.  This goes above and beyond what a face-to-face class requires.  What really bothers me is that I don't get paid any extra to do all of this.  I won't get paid until January, when the class starts and I am immersed with grading and providing feedback for all the discussion forum posts and writing assignments.  I will spend six months on this course and get paid for 8 weeks.

All this preparation comes with the job, I know that.  I signed up to teach this course; I accept the responsibility for the work.  I just feel stretched so thin.  Last week, I freaked out to Bruce, and he gently suggested that I get out of the house more to work uninterrupted.  I should.  It's just hard.  I teach one day on the weekend, and two week nights.  He works full time during the weekdays and goes to school one week night.  That leaves us with one weekend day, and two week nights to be together as a family.  The last thing I want to do is leave when Bruce is home.

Bruce arranged for his dad to come over and watch Emmie yesterday afternoon so I could get work done before class.  I went to Starbucks and got a coffee.  I unpacked my laptop, pen, and papers and worked for 2 & 1/2 hours nonstop.  It was amazing.  It solidified for me that I am going to have to embrace new routines.

Working from home just isn't working for me.  The parenting-a-toddler life isn't gelling with the adjunct instructor life.  Even now, as I type this, Emmie's battling for my attention.  I try to work before she wakes up or during her naps, but I barely get emails answered before she's calling for me from her crib again.

All of this makes me want to stress eat, but I don't, because to add to my overly full plate - I'm trying to get fit.  Bruce has been counting his calories for a while and walking on his breaks, and he's lost 20 lbs!  (Damn those men, they just think about losing weight and the pounds fall off).  A few weekends ago we spent time with friends, a married couple who have a six month-old baby.  She's trying to lose the baby weight, and he is focused on health, after a young coworker of his had a heart attack and died suddenly.  They count calories and work out regularly now.  I've been talking about losing the 'baby weight' for two years.  After all this, I decided that there's no time like the present.

So Bruce and I got MyFitnessPal apps on our phones.  We log all our calories and exercises.  That part isn't too hard.  Eating healthier gets easier every day.  We put a battery in our old scale, and I've literally watched my weight go down since.  It's encouraging, but it's work, too.  Some days I feel like there is no aspect of my life that's uninhibited anymore.

I was going to end this post with something inspirational about success and hard work.  Maybe a famous quote.  I was searching for just the right one when Emmie told me she needed to potty.  I rushed her upstairs, but we were too late.

There's no way I'm going to get all my work for that online class done by tomorrow.  I feel pretty dejected right now.  There's a lot of quotes out there about how success is the product of determination in the face of failure.  That's totally true.  But in the moments of failure, personal or professional, success sure seems a long way off.

Is it lunchtime yet?

A Room with a View

The colors of the leaves have been spectacular this season. I just had to share the dramatic sight we have out our bedroom window right now.

Happy Fall!

Trick-or-Treating

Little monkey

Eve is upon us and the time is now
To put on your costume and hit the town
Grab your sack to be filled with sweets
Tonight many neighbors you will meet
When you ring the doorbell, they will appear
"Trick-or-treat" you'll call, at the candy you'll peer
While the grownups marvel at your guise
Handfuls of goodies they will supply
"Thank you," you should be sure to say
As you turn to make your way
And stroll down the street's spooky scene
Amid the echoes of "Happy Halloween!

Our "haunted" house

Today in Illinois we woke up to dark skies and pouring rain - not a good sign for outdoor holiday activities. By the afternoon, though, the rain went away, and we were able to enjoy the first Halloween in our new neighborhood!  

Initially, Emmie didn't quite understand why kids were ringing the doorbell, and I was giving them candy. However, she loved going out in her monkey costume and was amazed by all the other dressed-up children.  At more than half of the houses she declared, "Trick-or-Treat!"  She was a little shy, but she did say "thank you" to everybody.  She got tons of compliments on her costume and plenty of candy (most of which Bruce and I will be eating).  We also met a lot of our neighbors.  It was a fun night for us all!

We wish you a happy, safe Halloween!

From One Generation to the Next

The last time I went to my parents' house, they gave me a huge box of my old stuff to take home.  I guess now that I have my own attic and basement I should get my things out of theirs!

Anyways, I've always been a pack rat.  I can attach sentimentality to just about anything.  I save greeting cards and old wall calendars.  I have a hard time throwing items away.  Everything means something to me; everything has a story to tell.

This turned out to be a good thing, because now I have a child to give new life to the belongings I saved.  Inside the box was a tall stack of my old record books.  Do you remember those? They were illustrated children's books with a sleeve in back to hold a record.  I would put the record on my Fisher Price record player and hear the story while looking at the pictures and reading along.  If I can find that record player (which I know I kept) Emmie can enjoy those same stories someday!

Emmie looks at one of my old books in her PJs. She's all about the alphabet right now.

Packed away were also some ceramic cat figurines (which Bruce has emphatically announced will not be displayed in our house), seashells, and toys.  The best toy in the box was my Little Professor calculator game!  Oh boy, as soon as I saw it I was small again, swinging my feet in the backseat of my parents' blue Dodge station wagon, passing the time on some road trip.  The memories...

I've always imagined that when she's a bit older, Emmie will get a kick out of some of these things.  Some I should probably give or throw away.  But some of them can be shared, a way to connect with her, to tell her stories of my youth and the way life was in the past.  That Little Professor is like the iPhone of 30 years ago!

In many cases, these artifacts are symbols.  Their meaning surpasses their usefulness or functionality.  They represent days gone by, when I was young.  The times spent with my brother and parents, before my adult independence, marriage, and motherhood.

I want my children to know who I am.  I read an article in the New York Times that the happiest, healthiest children had a clear understanding of their family narrative.  Knowing where one has come from develops a strong sense of self.

I hope that Emmie will like to hear about my life and her father's life before her.  I hope she will want to know about her grandparents' lives, her uncle's and aunt's, her family history going back to WWII, and even further to ancestors in Italy, Ireland, Germany, and China.  I hope she is proud of the strong individuals who worked hard to create the life she now has.  I hope she listens to the stories we will tell her, the fun ones and difficult ones alike, and they help to shape her identity.

I hope she will be proud of her heritage and take the past to heart.