Day One: Moved In

Though we've technically been living at my in-laws' since this past Sunday, today is the first day that I didn't have to return to the old house. It's been a crazy few days!

We made a couple of trips to my in-laws' house on Saturday, the car filled to the brim with our stuff.  I wish we could've done more, but we also had to empty out and clean our new rooms.  That took quite some time, which we weren't anticipating.

So on Sunday morning we didn't have nearly as much done as we wanted.  True to the weatherman's predictions, it was a scorcher.  By 10:00 a.m. the sun was beating down hard.  We got the truck, our friends arrived, and it was madness after that.  Bruce and I decided that the best plan was for me to take Emmie and the cat over to my in-laws' right away.  I thought I was going to come back and help, but it didn't turn out that way.  I felt useless.  I know taking care of the baby is an important duty in its own right, but I felt guilty that my friends were working in the heat while I sat around.

I haven't been getting much sleep lately, and was (predictably) pretty emotional on Sunday.  Sometimes, when I get worked up about stuff, I practice a version of the following: I imagine someone asking my husband how I reacted.  Or I imagine what people will say about me at my funeral.  "How did Annie take the move?" They ask.

"She took it great! I always know that I can count on her to be strong during tough times," he'd ideally respond.  NOT: "Oh, she freaked the frack out."  Or people would recall lovingly at the cemetery, "Annie always kept her cool and never complained."

Usually this puts my behavior into perspective for me.  I try, but you know emotions can't always be controlled.  Anyways, when Bruce and our friends showed up, we all got to work bringing everything into the house.  They had already done so much and were achy, exhausted, and overheated.  At one point my brother said, "Hey, remember that time I lost 15 pounds moving you guys in 100 degree heat?"

VERONICA, 8-TRACK, JEANETTE, DENNY, and CHARLES: You guys rule.  We are truly lucky to have such amazing, generous friends.  In many ways you are closer than family.

As soon as the last box was out of the truck, our friends took off to take showers, and we were really moved in with the in-laws.

Since then we've made so many trips back and forth, moving what was left (so much!) and cleaning up.  Every night we went to bed deliriously worn out.  This was a blessing, really, because I didn't have any time or energy to dwell on our situation.

Yesterday, Bruce and Denny skipped work to help me finish up.  The floor was drying from being mopped and the last bag of cleaning supplies was being put in the car as the landlord walked in the door.  To our complete happiness and relief, he handed us a check for the security deposit on the spot!  That money has already been put toward the rent we have to pay here (yes, we are paying the in-laws rent) and the added debt we incurred from moving expenses.  I like to think that the worst of our financial woes are behind us now.

What are my days like so far?  Bruce's father works from home, so when Emmie wakes up in the morning we pop our heads into his office and say hi.  I worry when she cries (screams) that she is disturbing him, though he assures me she isn't.  I feed her in my room with the door shut.  Oh - I forgot to mention!  We got my recliner in the room!  Thanks, Google and eHow for showing us How to Disassemble a Simmons Recliner Back!

Emmie and I mostly do what we did before.  She sits in her high chair while I have breakfast.  She naps.  We play - in my room or hers.  But it's not the same.  How could it be?  From making sure the bedroom door is closed/my ass isn't hanging out of my nightgown when I'm in bed, to worrying that Bruce's parents are annoyed by all the clutter we've brought, my life has shifted.  I would catch myself getting angry at these changes, but then I realized: my in-laws' lives are not the same, either.  They have to adjust because we are here.  They opened their doors to us.  Because we needed them.

I'm not saying there's not going to be drama.  And it is totally weird.  But what I am saying, I guess, is that I think this could bring us closer together.  If we all play our cards right...

Goodbye, House

Good times had by all.

Last Stop: Procrastination! All Aboard!

Twenty-twenty-twentyfour hours to go

I wanna be sedated!

So much to do, so much junk in our home

I wanna be sedated!

My apologies to the Ramones, but that is the soundtrack of the inside of my head.  We have made multiple trips to the storage unit and the in-laws' house, and the house doesn't seem any less full!  How and why, God, why do we have so much stuff?!

Here's what's on the docket for today: Bruce wants me to measure the items in our bedroom to see what will fit in the new room.  I really want to bring our plush recliner so I have a comfy place to feed the baby.  Bruce, conveniently, had to work today.  So it's all me & Emmie!  Total chaos - a baby who gets bored after five minutes and a mom who keeps starting projects and absent-mindedly abandoning them. 

Then I have to throw more crap in boxes and garbage bags.  I've got to pack the china and crystal.  I'm such a slacker.  Oy vey! (Yiddish shout-out to my friend Veronica).

The only room of the house that has been cleared out at this point is the closet under the stairs.  That's it!  Looking around is entirely overwhelming.  I just have to pick one area and stick to it.  Pick it and stick it, that's gonna be my motto.  On second thought, that's a terrible motto.  It sounds like I am a creepy predator.

Even my thoughts are all over the place!  Last night I had a couple of glasses of wine at the in-laws' (and was suddenly so fine with the whole situation) and came home and thought it would be a great idea to pop the bottle of champagne we had in the fridge and toast the two good years we had here.  Except, Bruce just had one glass and I FINISHED THE BOTTLE.  Oops.  Thus accounting for my worse than usual scatterbrain. 

Baby's up.  Gotta go.  Wish me luck!

Under Atmospheric Pressure

Are there really only a couple days until Moving Day?!  The house looks like a tiny tornado came through.  And I have a huge, anxiety-ridden fear of tornadoes.

Good:  Finding things during packing you forgot about/thought you lost.  (Yes! The cat's Halloween costume!)


There can never be too many pictures of Minnie.  She is a cat of many moods.

Bad:  Dust.  Dusty dust dust everywhere! <Cough, cough, sneeze, wipe face with grimy fingers>

Good:  Knowing that our friends will be there to help us in oh so many ways on The Big Day.

Bad: It's supposed to be 97° and stormy on Sunday. (Did I already mention that we have the best friends in the world?)

Mother Knows Best

When my husband, Bruce, and I decided to move in with his parents, we worried how my mother would react.  My parents live in the same town, though on the very far other side.  We made the decision based on many factors, but I feared she would envy the time Bruce's parents would get to share with Emmie.  I assured that her that we would be spending a lot of time at her house also.  She took the news really well and has been very supportive.

Today I was kind of freaking out and her and I were texting back and forth. (Thank God for texting.  In some ways it's the ideal form of communication).  She wrote, "You have to look at the big picture and it is great that [Emmie] will have a lot of time with her two sets of grandparents.  That is a very good thing."

Whatever age you are, when you have doubts, it is always such a relief to hear your mother is on your side.  If a storm is going on inside me, a few simple words from her can be so calming.   Thanks, Ma.

Things I Wanted to Accomplish on Maternity Leave/ Stuff to Do with Bonus Free Time

Taking a break from filling boxes, taping boxes, and carrying boxes to compile a partial list of things I would like to do over the summer.  I am going to make every attempt to get some kind of job to contribute monetarily to my family, but let's be honest.  There's a lot of competition out there.

So, for the sake of productivity and sanity, I'm going to try to:

1. Really learn to crochet. Tried it when pregnant during a sentimental moment and gave up after one day.

2. Finish writing that children's book. For reals.

3. Lose baby weight. I am not scared of you, Jillian Michaels DVD. I am just busy doing other stuff.

4. Join creative writing group.

5. Master cool circus skill like juggling (could come in handy at Emmie's birthday parties later on!)

6. Practice new recipes/ cooking skills, like making wontons and egg rolls from scratch.

7. Learn father's native language.  Involve Emmie in this, too, as she is much more likely to pick up.

8. Record both my parents' and husband's parents' family histories.

9. Help mother in garden.  Develop green thumb?

10. Read Auto Repair for Dummies  so as to not feel like one when talking to mechanic or when car makes funny noise.

11. Work on Emmie's baby book.

12. Take photography class at park district with husband?

13. Get bike attachment for Emmie to ride in style à la Adam Sandler's kids.



14. Go to Cubs games, with and without child.

15. OF COURSE take fun and educational day trips to museums, parks, zoos, etc.  Especially on free days!  This mom's not scared of a crowd. 

16. Take much needed longer trip if funds can be made available.

Do I hear laughter from the mom section?  I said I was going to try.  Okay, back to those boxes.

What's Going on, You Guys?

Our cat, Minestrone (AKA: Minnie) has a funny feeling about this.

"Let's Get on Board with Paid Leave"

A while back I read an article regarding paid maternity leave: Let's get on board with paid leave.  I'm not sure if a paid family leave program like the ones in California or New Jersey would apply to a part-time employee like myself, but I know many other families who faced financial hardship during what should be a joyful time. 

I'm sure that there are many critics out there who would say that programs like this encourage people to abuse the system, or that women choose to give birth, or maybe even that people should have a financial plan before starting a family.  The article does not directly address these arguments, but the data on the benefits is very convincing.  And you know what?  Life happens.

This issue may not concern you in the least.  But we all have a mother.  We have sisters, aunts, nieces, coworkers, friends who are mothers.  I remember, before I was one myself, a time at an old job when I filled in for a woman on maternity leave.  When she returned, I caught her up to speed.  She had to come back to work as soon as possible because her family couldn't afford to be without her earnings.  She had to separate from her six-week-old son, and was on the verge of crying all day.  Now that I've given birth myself, I can imagine how painful this must have been for her, not only emotionally, but physically, too. 

Why are we, as a society, willing to tolerate this?  Why do we fight for so many things, but not for family? As a nation enduring an economic crisis, haven't we realized that quality of life is more valuable than anything?  Who's in charge here?

Another Setback on the Road to Financial Stability

I work as a college English instructor.  Most of us out there who do this job have Master's degrees in our fields.  What you may not know is that most of us work as contract workers, teaching part-time at several schools on a per-class basis.  It takes a long time, and usually a Doctorate, before we can achieve full-time status.  The pay for us Adjunct Instructors is not very good and we work very hard to make a decent living.  We do it because we love our area of study, our students, and the learning environment.  I truly believe that what I do contributes to the good of society - through education.

When I got pregnant, I knew I was going to have to take a semester off.  Normally, women take maternity leave from 6 to 12 weeks.  A semester is 16 weeks, so I had a few extra weeks to revel solely in my little one.  It definitely put restraints on our financial security, but through saving and careful managing, we were able to pay the bills.  I anticipated returning to work for the summer semester.

Today I heard from my boss, the Dean, that my classes have been cancelled due to low enrollment.  Which means that I have no job until the fall term in August.  I am disappointed on so many levels.  I was imagining the new, stimulating assignments I would create.  I was going to incorporate some knowledge I acquired over my break into the classroom.  Above all, we were looking forward to the extra income.  Now I am so worried, looking for part-time retail jobs around my in-laws' town.

I never thought that I would be married, with a child, living in my old hometown, under a parental roof, working a summer job again.

If I can even get a job.  As I'm sure you know, times are tough out there.  I heard that high school and college age students can't get the jobs they would normally get because there are so many people out of work.  Before, we were choosing to move in with the in-laws.  Now it looks like we have to.

Everything happens for a reason, Annie.  Just keep repeating, everything happens for a reason...

Lovely Day

Mother's Day was amazing!  My husband and Emmie made it so special.  I got flowers and cards and a huge homemade breakfast (spinach, mushroom, and onion omelette - yum!)

Nothing says springtime like tulips

Then I was taken on a "joyride" to one of my favorite places - the Vera Bradley store! 

*Lucky* me! My husband says I only get one first Mother's Day :-)

The weather was gorgeous here in Chicagoland.  Warm, and not a cloud in the sky.  Everywhere we went, people said "Happy Mother's Day" to me.  I felt like a rock star!  This holiday is better than a birthday, because half the time people forget the date.  But everyone knows this one. 

We ended the day by visiting both our moms, who always love to see the baby.  It was both of their first Mother's Day as a Grandma.  Congratulations to them, for all the work and love they've given over the years.  They deserve the joy being a Grandma brings. 

It was a perfect day spent with family.  One that I will never forget.

A Letter to My Daughter

Dear Daughter,

Today is my first Mother's Day.  I thought I would celebrate this day by letting you know what you mean to me.  I can try to put it into words, but of course words could never be enough.

Let me tell you how I found out about you.  It was the day after Daddy's and my second wedding anniversary.  I didn't feel well and after school called Daddy to tell him I was going to the doctor.  We thought maybe, but the home test said no.   The doctor examined me; everything else seemed normal.  "Let's check again," she suggested.  With a big smile and a hug, she told me I was carrying you!  So I waited until Daddy came home from work and told him to sit down on our bed.

"The doctor said I'm fine," I said as I took his hand.  "We're going to have a baby." We were both so happy, time stopped around us.

When you were growing inside me, it was like the love between Daddy and me sparkled like the first rays of sunrise.  Decorating your room was our favorite pastime.  There were so many special moments, the best of all being when you were born.  I will share as many memories as I can with you.  I'm sure you will hear them many, many times.

A gift from Daddy to me on the night you were born

You won't remember living in this house, but your first days of life were here.  So many amazing moments, so many firsts.  We cradled you tenderly in the night and danced and sang during the day.  You, Daddy, and I have all laughed and cried together.  The other day we played out back and you curiously grabbed at the grass, never having felt it before.  You've grown so much so quickly. 

Thank you for turning me into a mother.  I worried about whether I'd be good enough.  Now that you're here, I know I will always do the best I can for you.  That's why we're moving.  You will be surrounded by family.  I hope, when you're older, you know how hard we tried to do what's right.  No matter where we live, as long as we have each other we have everything we need.

Love,
Mama



The pendant my Mama gave me

 

It's Go Time

Our landlord called yesterday and said she wanted to bring over someone to view our apartment.  So I had to quickly clean up (not easy to do with an infant!) and get Emmie and me out of the place.  The results were good; our landlord said the woman took it!  Now I won't have to do the whole clean-and-leave thing again.  Also, with any luck we will get our security deposit back sooner.

Today we put a hold on a self-storage place.  The location is perfect, right near my husband's work, between my in-laws' house and here.  That way if we need anything he can just grab it after work.  Plus, we can start running stuff over with our car every day (haha, that sounds like we are going to destroy everything vehicular-style.  You know what I mean). 

We spent a lot of time researching storage units.  There are drive-up units, which are nice because you can access them easily and moving in or out is more convenient.  There are also indoor units, which have the benefit of being climate controlled.  I worry about the possibility of mice, termites, or bedbugs.  But then again, I guess that can be an issue no matter if you are renting, owning, or storing.  When you get a storage unit, you can do month-to-month or sign a contract.  We chose the former, because we have no idea how long we will need it.  Also, you are required to have self-storage insurance and you have to buy a lock.  I had no idea how complicated it actually is.

Let's get this party started!  I've moved so many times; I know how bad it is to wait until the last moment and be carrying out random loose objects.  Stuff gets jumbled along the way and it's a mess.  One time, I lost a framed van Gogh poster that I brought home from Amsterdam.  It just got lost in the shuffle somehow.  I will try to be more organized about things and get as much done as possible before the end of the month. 

Except for tomorrow.  It's going to be my first Mother's Day!  I am excited to see what my husband has planned (on behalf of Emmie, of course).  I'll keep you posted!

Happiness Is... Doing Dishes?

I was just standing in the kitchen, washing dishes.  The baby is upstairs sleeping; the washer and dryer are going, and I was singing along to my iPod on the stereo.  And I thought, 'What a perfect moment.'  Who knew that doing chores in your own home could bring such sentiment?  I guess facing an impending life change really can help you appreciate the mundane. 

Enjoy your day - don't take the smallest details for granted!

We're Not Alone

It seems like everywhere I go I hear of people in our same situation.  Practically every HGTV show I turn on features a couple/family finally buying their own house, who had to live with his or her parents.  The dental hygienist last week said her sister briefly moved in with her in-laws.  The nurse at the pediatrician has a daughter who has been living with her in-laws for the past -- get this -- FOUR YEARS.   Of course, it was supposed to be more temporary than it turned out to be.  They moved in with one child and ended up pregnant with another one while there.  For what it's worth, the nurse said her daughter encountered few problems once they got past the initial awkwardness.  And the house only had one bathroom! 

Still, I am choosing to view the nurse's story as a precautionary tale.  My husband (who, by the way, is none too thrilled that I am sharing our story all over town) and I have discussed at length the fact that we cannot get too comfortable. We want this to be a transition period, not a lifestyle.  We are thinking of taking a picture of our dream house and hanging it on the wall of our bedroom to keep our goal in mind at all times.  If those families on HGTV can do it, then so can we! 

Do you know anyone who has successfully done this?  Let me know!  Inspiration is always welcome...

Final Countdown

Queue the song... Da da-da daa! Da da-da-da daaa!



It's May 1st, which means that my family has 31 days left in our house.  31 days until we are officially roomies with my mother- and father-in-law, plus a dog and two cats.  That makes a total of four adults, one baby, a dog, and three cats all living together. 

(Here quote Dr. Peter Venkman a la Ghostbusters: "Dogs and cats living together!  Mass hysteria!")

I feel claustrophobic just thinking about it.  The baby's not going to know any better.  My poor cat - she has no idea what's coming.

Arg!  I don't know where to begin.  I need to pack.  I know, I know, I said I was going to yesterday, but I had other (better) plans to help my friend Jeanette wedding dress shop in the city.  Good times.  The baby went, too, and had a great time until we tried to eat an early dinner at the local sports bar we all used to frequent.  Too many TVs, sounds, neon flashing lights.  It was sensory overload; it made Emmie fussy.  Yes, I will admit it.  I'm the jerk who took a baby to a bar.  Guilty.  What was I thinking?  I hated those people when I didn't have a child.  Well, now I know better.

Today Emmie has a checkup with her pediatrician, another reason to procrastinate.  We love this guy.  He is the perfect blend of knowledge, reassurance, and humor.  He cracks me up.  Being funny is a great characteristic of a pediatrician.  He sets us new parents at ease.  It wouldn't work out so good if he was, say, an oncologist.  Definitely keeping him despite the longer trip we'll have to take after the move.

The move!  I have to get started.  Maybe go through my closet and get rid of old clothes.  I could pack my china, but my I get sick in the pit in my stomach at the thought of anything breaking.  I need motivation!