Saturday, June 30, 2012
Duh - Everything Says Money Is the #1 Cause of Marital Stress
Ugh. Bruce and I are awkward right now, and I'm not even sure why. Maybe he had a couple beers and I had too many glasses of wine, and his mom went to bed, and we started talking frankly with one another. About goals. And money. And what else...?
It started because we got a refund from a utility that we had initially put down a deposit for at the old house. I was expecting a much larger amount than what they gave us. I got upset. Bruce told me basically not to ever expect... What? Something like, don't ever get your hopes up when it comes to money. And I refused to hear it.
Later Bruce said something about how we'll probably always be poor. That isn't the first time he's said something like that. It drives me crazy when he talks like that. Because I'm a dreamer - I won't deny it. I truly believe that someday we won't have to worry about money. That we'll have a dream house and live lives that we are proud of, whatever shape that ends up taking.
I've always imagined a life where the possibilities are endless. That makes me sound Susie Sunshine, but it's not like that. I look at gorgeous properties with tall shady trees and maybe a small stream running though them, and I think, 'I could live somewhere like that someday." I watch House Hunters International and I think, 'Maybe I'll have a villa near the coast of that exotic locale someday, too." I imagine that someday I'll be moderately successful in my career. Doesn't everybody?
We weren't always poor. Or maybe we were, and I live in a perpetual state of denial. The other day I put together a spreadsheet of our debt and the progress we've made over the past 2+ years. During our discussion, Bruce said, "We were never progressing." But that's not true. From 2010 to 2011, we actually paid off 10% of our debt. From 2011 to 2012, however, we've been at a standstill.
A lot of factors contributed to this. A while back Bruce lost a good job he had in the banking industry. That was out of our control. I used to have a well-paying job in the hospitality industry. But I wasn't really happy in it, so we decided to take the pay cut in order for me to go back to teaching, so I could do what I love. I've already recalled our fancy wedding and the toll it took on our credit cards. Plus so many, many other reasons.
There is one obvious reason that is hard to admit. It's only hard to admit because it seems like a negative, though of course it is actually the most positive moment of our lives. Naturally I don't want to equate it with hardship in any way, truth or no truth. In 2011, I got pregnant.
Now everyone always said to me, "You make it work when you have a baby." And that's true! But you also can't deny that children are costly. We wanted to have a baby; we knew what effect having one would have; we knew we would have to make serious choices in order to start a family.
So as I sit here, typing this at my in-laws' house, in my husband's childhood bedroom, I am faced with the choice we have made. To make a fresh start. To reshape the path our lives have wandered down. To quote the old TV show Quantum Leap: "To make right what once went wrong."
I'm not doing this so that we can end up in a situation where we're just getting by again. I'm doing this because I believe Life is a chalkboard and you can correct your mistakes. You can erase your errors, even if a smear of the past is still visible. Maybe, just maybe, if you're lucky and you do something right, you'll even end up with your name on there and a big star next to it.
Bruce went to bed as I was writing this. He said, "What are you doing? Blogging?" And I nodded, because I wasn't exactly speaking to him. So he gave me a kiss, told me he loved me, and said goodnight. Whenever we are in an uncomfortable place he is always the one to smooth the rough edges. He's always the one to make the best of things on an instance-to-instance basis.
I can call myself the dreamer in our relationship, but my husband is the one who makes sure we both get a good night's sleep.
It started because we got a refund from a utility that we had initially put down a deposit for at the old house. I was expecting a much larger amount than what they gave us. I got upset. Bruce told me basically not to ever expect... What? Something like, don't ever get your hopes up when it comes to money. And I refused to hear it.
Later Bruce said something about how we'll probably always be poor. That isn't the first time he's said something like that. It drives me crazy when he talks like that. Because I'm a dreamer - I won't deny it. I truly believe that someday we won't have to worry about money. That we'll have a dream house and live lives that we are proud of, whatever shape that ends up taking.
I've always imagined a life where the possibilities are endless. That makes me sound Susie Sunshine, but it's not like that. I look at gorgeous properties with tall shady trees and maybe a small stream running though them, and I think, 'I could live somewhere like that someday." I watch House Hunters International and I think, 'Maybe I'll have a villa near the coast of that exotic locale someday, too." I imagine that someday I'll be moderately successful in my career. Doesn't everybody?
We weren't always poor. Or maybe we were, and I live in a perpetual state of denial. The other day I put together a spreadsheet of our debt and the progress we've made over the past 2+ years. During our discussion, Bruce said, "We were never progressing." But that's not true. From 2010 to 2011, we actually paid off 10% of our debt. From 2011 to 2012, however, we've been at a standstill.
A lot of factors contributed to this. A while back Bruce lost a good job he had in the banking industry. That was out of our control. I used to have a well-paying job in the hospitality industry. But I wasn't really happy in it, so we decided to take the pay cut in order for me to go back to teaching, so I could do what I love. I've already recalled our fancy wedding and the toll it took on our credit cards. Plus so many, many other reasons.
There is one obvious reason that is hard to admit. It's only hard to admit because it seems like a negative, though of course it is actually the most positive moment of our lives. Naturally I don't want to equate it with hardship in any way, truth or no truth. In 2011, I got pregnant.
Now everyone always said to me, "You make it work when you have a baby." And that's true! But you also can't deny that children are costly. We wanted to have a baby; we knew what effect having one would have; we knew we would have to make serious choices in order to start a family.
So as I sit here, typing this at my in-laws' house, in my husband's childhood bedroom, I am faced with the choice we have made. To make a fresh start. To reshape the path our lives have wandered down. To quote the old TV show Quantum Leap: "To make right what once went wrong."
I'm not doing this so that we can end up in a situation where we're just getting by again. I'm doing this because I believe Life is a chalkboard and you can correct your mistakes. You can erase your errors, even if a smear of the past is still visible. Maybe, just maybe, if you're lucky and you do something right, you'll even end up with your name on there and a big star next to it.
Bruce went to bed as I was writing this. He said, "What are you doing? Blogging?" And I nodded, because I wasn't exactly speaking to him. So he gave me a kiss, told me he loved me, and said goodnight. Whenever we are in an uncomfortable place he is always the one to smooth the rough edges. He's always the one to make the best of things on an instance-to-instance basis.
I can call myself the dreamer in our relationship, but my husband is the one who makes sure we both get a good night's sleep.
Friday, June 29, 2012
All the Small Things
Some kids in the neighborhood are in - no kidding - a garage band.
They're playing right now. I can hear the guitars and drums through the walls. They're practicing all pop rock stuff from around the late 90's: Green Day, Offspring, Blink-182. It's pretty amusing.
But seriously, yet another thing that makes me feel like I've travelled back to my teenage years!
They're playing right now. I can hear the guitars and drums through the walls. They're practicing all pop rock stuff from around the late 90's: Green Day, Offspring, Blink-182. It's pretty amusing.
But seriously, yet another thing that makes me feel like I've travelled back to my teenage years!
Wednesday, June 27, 2012
My Kind of Town
In the past week I've gone down to the city a couple times and had a blast! It felt like the old days.
The first time was over the weekend. I attended a bachelorette party for a good friend who is marrying a great guy, also our friend. So while I was with a bunch of girls giggling and playing games, Bruce was hanging out with the guys. Talking about sports, presumably.
After our separate fun times, the guys and girls met up on a party trolley! We rode all over town, bass thumping, beer cans cracking open, and lots of "Wooooo!" being yelled out the windows.
The trolley stopped to let us out at Chicago's museum campus, just in time to watch the fireworks from Navy Pier.
It was incredible. The girls then split off from the guys and went dancing at a dueling piano bar. Afterwards, Bruce and I spent the night at a friend's apartment in Marina Towers, the famous corncob-shaped buildings with a mind-blowing view of the the Chicago River.
How were we able to have such fantastic grown-up adventures when we have an infant, you ask? Well, it was our first time away from Emmie overnight, as a matter of fact. I knew she was in good hands with her grandparents. And there was a sense of calm knowing that she was home in her own bed. That's not to say that I didn't text my mother-in-law several times over the course of the evening!
Then the other day Bruce had a day off, so we took Emmie to Lincoln Park Zoo. It's free, in the heart of the city, with the lake just to the east and surrounded by acres and acres of luscious park. It's our favorite - we used to go all the time as a couple when we lived downtown.
Emmie really noticed the flamingos, because they were relatively close and kept squawking. She liked seeing all the animals, but she was super fascinated by all the other kids around!
We packed a lunch and since Emmie took a long nap on the ride in, we were out most of the day without any issues. It was nice, being just the three of us. I've come to really appreciate and not take for granted the times like that we get to have together.
The first time was over the weekend. I attended a bachelorette party for a good friend who is marrying a great guy, also our friend. So while I was with a bunch of girls giggling and playing games, Bruce was hanging out with the guys. Talking about sports, presumably.
After our separate fun times, the guys and girls met up on a party trolley! We rode all over town, bass thumping, beer cans cracking open, and lots of "Wooooo!" being yelled out the windows.
The trolley stopped to let us out at Chicago's museum campus, just in time to watch the fireworks from Navy Pier.
 |
| Chicago skyline from my slightly blurry vision |
How were we able to have such fantastic grown-up adventures when we have an infant, you ask? Well, it was our first time away from Emmie overnight, as a matter of fact. I knew she was in good hands with her grandparents. And there was a sense of calm knowing that she was home in her own bed. That's not to say that I didn't text my mother-in-law several times over the course of the evening!
Then the other day Bruce had a day off, so we took Emmie to Lincoln Park Zoo. It's free, in the heart of the city, with the lake just to the east and surrounded by acres and acres of luscious park. It's our favorite - we used to go all the time as a couple when we lived downtown.
We packed a lunch and since Emmie took a long nap on the ride in, we were out most of the day without any issues. It was nice, being just the three of us. I've come to really appreciate and not take for granted the times like that we get to have together.
Monday, June 25, 2012
A Little In-Law Advice
Haha, I think Carolyn Hax's advice in this column about how to respond to in-laws' unwelcome comments is spot on.
Our own parents often drive us nuts, and it's so much more bothersome to hear remarks from your in-laws, because you didn't spend your entire life dealing with them! I used to always ask Bruce later, "Why did he/she say [fill in the blank]?"
But now I try to just let it go. The vast majority of the time, I'm just being overly sensitive.
I'd like to say to the spouse who wrote in: Hey! Take it all in stride. Concentrate on the goodness. After all, these are your spouse's parents, so they did do something right. Be thankful you're just visiting - the visit will end eventually!
Our own parents often drive us nuts, and it's so much more bothersome to hear remarks from your in-laws, because you didn't spend your entire life dealing with them! I used to always ask Bruce later, "Why did he/she say [fill in the blank]?"
But now I try to just let it go. The vast majority of the time, I'm just being overly sensitive.
I'd like to say to the spouse who wrote in: Hey! Take it all in stride. Concentrate on the goodness. After all, these are your spouse's parents, so they did do something right. Be thankful you're just visiting - the visit will end eventually!
Thursday, June 21, 2012
Ebb and Flow
Remember the first time Emmie and I got to be home by ourselves, but the cable/internet/phone went out and our plans to just chill got wrecked? Well, we thought today we would get to be by ourselves and the same thing happened!
I really started to think the universe was messing with me.
Bruce's mom came home to meet the repairman. Thankfully, he came and fixed everything really quickly this time. And then we had the rest of the glorious afternoon!
We played on my bed in our pj's. I watched part of a literary adaptation film Bruce has no interest in watching. I finally got to catch up with my friend who called on the phone the other day! It was a totally relaxing, very regenerative few hours.
Then Bruce came home and I went to the store by myself. I used to want to do everything together, but now I appreciate the ease of going solo. When I got home, he had prepared a delicious dinner of pork fried rice. Yum!
Tomorrow I go to work!
Any time I drift out to sea, life rolls out another wave of goodness bringing me closer to shore.
I really started to think the universe was messing with me.
Bruce's mom came home to meet the repairman. Thankfully, he came and fixed everything really quickly this time. And then we had the rest of the glorious afternoon!
We played on my bed in our pj's. I watched part of a literary adaptation film Bruce has no interest in watching. I finally got to catch up with my friend who called on the phone the other day! It was a totally relaxing, very regenerative few hours.
Then Bruce came home and I went to the store by myself. I used to want to do everything together, but now I appreciate the ease of going solo. When I got home, he had prepared a delicious dinner of pork fried rice. Yum!
 |
| I am a lucky wife |
Any time I drift out to sea, life rolls out another wave of goodness bringing me closer to shore.
A Crack in the Dam
The other day the tears came.
I knew they would; it was just a matter of time. No matter how much I try to stay positive, my life has dramatically changed and I knew it would eventually overwhelm me.
The day wasn't bad or anything. It was just little things all day long. I couldn't get our laptop to work. It's over five years old and incredibly slow. We just can't afford a new one right now, though I'll need one for sure when I go back to work.
I wanted to make spaghetti for dinner that night and didn't know if I had enough money to buy the ingredients. I ran errands with Emmie and it was almost 100 degrees outside. Simple things like dropping off clothes at the cleaners requires extra effort: lugging her out of the car in her car seat, balancing my purse and the bag full of clothes. I sweat easily anyways and that day my forehead was like a faucet.
Another thing, since I got pregnant last year I am a total scatterbrain. This is extremely frustrating, because I'm kind of Type A. So we went to one store to drop off a prescription. But I forgot my insurance card. I wanted to run over to my parents' house to pick up some things. But I didn't have enough gas. Then I went to another store where they had ground beef on sale. Emmie started to get fussy and we left after that purchase. Then I remembered I needed tomato paste. To keep her calm, I carried Emmie in my arms into another, closer store.
Emmie went down for her afternoon nap when we got home. I started cooking. Bruce's dad was off work and was reading on the couch nearby. Then one of my best girlfriends called on my cell phone. I haven't been able to really talk with her, or anyone, since we've moved in.
I so wanted to just let it all out. To have the relief of someone (not part of this family) who would listen to me. But Bruce's dad was right there, and the water was almost boiling. I went upstairs to try and talk for a minute, but it still didn't feel private. I felt all rushed and restricted.
After a short, stilted, dissatisfying conversation, we hung up with the promise to talk again soon. I resumed cooking, then Emmie woke up crying. I got the noodles drained and the sauce simmering. Bruce and his mom came home from work. I went upstairs to feed Emmie. And I lost it.
Being a new mother is unbelievably tough. Not working can negatively affect one's esteem. Living with other people can be stifling. I try really hard to be strong, but I'm not made of stone.
After I had a fierce good cry, I wiped my eyes, went downstairs, smiled, and ate what I made.
I knew they would; it was just a matter of time. No matter how much I try to stay positive, my life has dramatically changed and I knew it would eventually overwhelm me.
The day wasn't bad or anything. It was just little things all day long. I couldn't get our laptop to work. It's over five years old and incredibly slow. We just can't afford a new one right now, though I'll need one for sure when I go back to work.
I wanted to make spaghetti for dinner that night and didn't know if I had enough money to buy the ingredients. I ran errands with Emmie and it was almost 100 degrees outside. Simple things like dropping off clothes at the cleaners requires extra effort: lugging her out of the car in her car seat, balancing my purse and the bag full of clothes. I sweat easily anyways and that day my forehead was like a faucet.
Another thing, since I got pregnant last year I am a total scatterbrain. This is extremely frustrating, because I'm kind of Type A. So we went to one store to drop off a prescription. But I forgot my insurance card. I wanted to run over to my parents' house to pick up some things. But I didn't have enough gas. Then I went to another store where they had ground beef on sale. Emmie started to get fussy and we left after that purchase. Then I remembered I needed tomato paste. To keep her calm, I carried Emmie in my arms into another, closer store.
Emmie went down for her afternoon nap when we got home. I started cooking. Bruce's dad was off work and was reading on the couch nearby. Then one of my best girlfriends called on my cell phone. I haven't been able to really talk with her, or anyone, since we've moved in.
I so wanted to just let it all out. To have the relief of someone (not part of this family) who would listen to me. But Bruce's dad was right there, and the water was almost boiling. I went upstairs to try and talk for a minute, but it still didn't feel private. I felt all rushed and restricted.
After a short, stilted, dissatisfying conversation, we hung up with the promise to talk again soon. I resumed cooking, then Emmie woke up crying. I got the noodles drained and the sauce simmering. Bruce and his mom came home from work. I went upstairs to feed Emmie. And I lost it.
Being a new mother is unbelievably tough. Not working can negatively affect one's esteem. Living with other people can be stifling. I try really hard to be strong, but I'm not made of stone.
After I had a fierce good cry, I wiped my eyes, went downstairs, smiled, and ate what I made.
Tuesday, June 19, 2012
An Overflowing Father's Day
Bruce's first Father's Day was a huge success!
It was a busy weekend. On Saturday I worked (woohoo!) during the day. Then I had a birthday party to go to, where Emmie got to play with a friend's nine-month-old son. That was adorable. She doesn't get to be around other babies too often, and she was fascinated by him. Then we celebrated an early Father's Day with my father.
The super special part was when we got home - Bruce's parents were out of town for a wedding, so we had the house to ourselves. But we were so exhausted that we went to bed fairly quickly.
The next morning was really nice. Just the three of us to start off Father's Day. I had that luxury on Mother's Day and I was glad that Bruce got to, too.
We got up and got ready for the big surprise adventure: we were going to 3 Floyds Brewpub in Munster, Indiana. Bruce loves their beer and it is ridiculously hard to find. Trying to get certain kinds around the Midwest is honestly like seeking the mythical white stag. The brewery's only a little over an hour away, so it was the ideal trip to take Bruce on. I had emailed the manager earlier in the week to make sure "cool" babies were welcome. He replied that they are, "Just so long as they're cool".
We got there before they opened, because I knew there'd be a line. And there was. Lots of families out for Father's Day. We got seated right away, however. It was awesome. The place is heavy metal, with skulls and stickers all over and local artwork on the walls, Inglourious Basterds playing on flat screens, and beer flowing freely. The food was fantastic; Bruce tried all kinds of brews, and Emmie was perfectly behaved.
Bruce had a perfect day. I was so glad - I wanted the day to be phenomenal for him, because he is a phenomenal father.
The best part was, you can buy their beer by the case at the brewery. So Father's Day will keep on giving!
When we got home, Bruce's parents were back. We ended the day by celebrating with his dad as one big family.
It was a busy weekend. On Saturday I worked (woohoo!) during the day. Then I had a birthday party to go to, where Emmie got to play with a friend's nine-month-old son. That was adorable. She doesn't get to be around other babies too often, and she was fascinated by him. Then we celebrated an early Father's Day with my father.
The super special part was when we got home - Bruce's parents were out of town for a wedding, so we had the house to ourselves. But we were so exhausted that we went to bed fairly quickly.
The next morning was really nice. Just the three of us to start off Father's Day. I had that luxury on Mother's Day and I was glad that Bruce got to, too.
We got up and got ready for the big surprise adventure: we were going to 3 Floyds Brewpub in Munster, Indiana. Bruce loves their beer and it is ridiculously hard to find. Trying to get certain kinds around the Midwest is honestly like seeking the mythical white stag. The brewery's only a little over an hour away, so it was the ideal trip to take Bruce on. I had emailed the manager earlier in the week to make sure "cool" babies were welcome. He replied that they are, "Just so long as they're cool".
We got there before they opened, because I knew there'd be a line. And there was. Lots of families out for Father's Day. We got seated right away, however. It was awesome. The place is heavy metal, with skulls and stickers all over and local artwork on the walls, Inglourious Basterds playing on flat screens, and beer flowing freely. The food was fantastic; Bruce tried all kinds of brews, and Emmie was perfectly behaved.
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| Jinx Proof, absolutely delicious mussels, and Gumballhead |
The best part was, you can buy their beer by the case at the brewery. So Father's Day will keep on giving!
When we got home, Bruce's parents were back. We ended the day by celebrating with his dad as one big family.
Saturday, June 16, 2012
Kids Keep It Simple
One of the things that is rough for me about moving here is that I knew it wouldn't be the same between us and other people.
Even though Bruce's parents wouldn't mind, I know my friends don't really want to come over here and hang out. It would just feel more normal to hang out at one of their places. It's even difficult to get a babysitter when the in-laws can't watch Emmie. In most cases I would have to bring the baby elsewhere. It's kind of like we're on a deserted island and need to keep going ashore.
Adults make everything so complicated. That's why I love kids. The following is a transcript of a conversation between Bruce, Denny, and Denny's daughter, Ariana:
ARIANA: Can I come over soon?
BRUCE: You can come over, but we don't live in the same place anymore. We live with my parents now.
ARIANA: Have I ever met your parents?
DENNY: Yes. You have. You met them at the baby shower.
ARIANA: Oh, okay.
BRUCE: They're nice; you can come over whenever you want.
ARIANA: Okay!
Even though Bruce's parents wouldn't mind, I know my friends don't really want to come over here and hang out. It would just feel more normal to hang out at one of their places. It's even difficult to get a babysitter when the in-laws can't watch Emmie. In most cases I would have to bring the baby elsewhere. It's kind of like we're on a deserted island and need to keep going ashore.
Adults make everything so complicated. That's why I love kids. The following is a transcript of a conversation between Bruce, Denny, and Denny's daughter, Ariana:
ARIANA: Can I come over soon?
BRUCE: You can come over, but we don't live in the same place anymore. We live with my parents now.
ARIANA: Have I ever met your parents?
DENNY: Yes. You have. You met them at the baby shower.
ARIANA: Oh, okay.
BRUCE: They're nice; you can come over whenever you want.
ARIANA: Okay!
 |
| Rescuing Annie |
Friday, June 15, 2012
Times, They Aren't a-Changin'
When I was a teenager I was a server in a restaurant famous for pie. Bruce and Denny worked there, too. I often had the Sunday morning shift and served the church-going crowd. Because I am a big fan of the elderly, I chatted up a couple of regulars. Over time, we became close and have stayed in contact all these years. I cherish both of their friendships.
They are now in their nineties and the gentleman is in a nursing home. I talk with the lady on the phone and we send cards for special occasions. Since I'm back in town, I was able to take Emmie to meet her. She asked how I was doing with everything. I told her it was an adjustment, but I was trying to make the best of it and focus on the positive.
Then she told me how she lived with her in-laws, way back when. It was after World War II and she said good apartments in Chicago were hard to come by. Her husband had just graduated college and they already had a baby. The story sounded pretty familiar.
The thing is, it wasn't just her in-laws she moved in with. After the Great Depression, her in-laws had taken in some other family and they never moved out. So my friend lived with her in-laws, as well as her husband's brother, aunt, uncle, and grandma! She and her husband shared a room with their daughter. That's a full house!
Of course I inquired how she managed. It was the 1940's - she didn't work; she was home all the time with her husband's family, too. She said she stayed busy raising the baby and by helping her mother-in-law with the cooking and cleaning.
Her husband's family loved having the baby around and really spoiled her. My friend recalled how it would take an hour to put the baby down at night, because each person had to say goodnight and give kisses. It was a sweet, funny memory.
I'm sure sometimes it was awkward and uncomfortable. She said she and her husband didn't fight, though. Listening to her, I realized that this was just one year in her long life. They eventually moved out, had their own house and two more babies. Whatever she might have struggled with, it's long past. If anything, that time is precious to her because those family members were alive. She and her husband were young and together. Her firstborn was a little baby. So much of her life was still ahead of her.
I can only pray to lead a full life with my husband and our child. Every moment we have with family is a blessing. My friend's experience may have been in the last century, but the lessons resonate with me now, in the present.
They are now in their nineties and the gentleman is in a nursing home. I talk with the lady on the phone and we send cards for special occasions. Since I'm back in town, I was able to take Emmie to meet her. She asked how I was doing with everything. I told her it was an adjustment, but I was trying to make the best of it and focus on the positive.
Then she told me how she lived with her in-laws, way back when. It was after World War II and she said good apartments in Chicago were hard to come by. Her husband had just graduated college and they already had a baby. The story sounded pretty familiar.
The thing is, it wasn't just her in-laws she moved in with. After the Great Depression, her in-laws had taken in some other family and they never moved out. So my friend lived with her in-laws, as well as her husband's brother, aunt, uncle, and grandma! She and her husband shared a room with their daughter. That's a full house!
Of course I inquired how she managed. It was the 1940's - she didn't work; she was home all the time with her husband's family, too. She said she stayed busy raising the baby and by helping her mother-in-law with the cooking and cleaning.
Her husband's family loved having the baby around and really spoiled her. My friend recalled how it would take an hour to put the baby down at night, because each person had to say goodnight and give kisses. It was a sweet, funny memory.
I'm sure sometimes it was awkward and uncomfortable. She said she and her husband didn't fight, though. Listening to her, I realized that this was just one year in her long life. They eventually moved out, had their own house and two more babies. Whatever she might have struggled with, it's long past. If anything, that time is precious to her because those family members were alive. She and her husband were young and together. Her firstborn was a little baby. So much of her life was still ahead of her.
I can only pray to lead a full life with my husband and our child. Every moment we have with family is a blessing. My friend's experience may have been in the last century, but the lessons resonate with me now, in the present.
Wednesday, June 13, 2012
Cheers
Bruce got a promotion! He's been waiting several weeks to hear. He really deserves it, and I think we are all thrilled to have some good news.
Tonight we went out to a pub in town to celebrate. Just the two of us. I can't even remember the last time we went out for drinks as a couple.
I have to thank the in-laws for watching the little one while her Mom & Dad snuck out. For a couple of hours, we got to be ourselves and toast what's to come.
Tonight we went out to a pub in town to celebrate. Just the two of us. I can't even remember the last time we went out for drinks as a couple.
I have to thank the in-laws for watching the little one while her Mom & Dad snuck out. For a couple of hours, we got to be ourselves and toast what's to come.
Tuesday, June 12, 2012
On the Bright Side
We've been here over two weeks and I was starting to feel down - missing our old place, wishing I could have some alone time, and fighting a sense of entrapment. So here's a few positive notes to focus on:
-For dinner on Sunday I made a Thai dish my family always eats, and Bruce's family seemed to like it. I busted out my wok and rice cooker and was at ease in the kitchen for the first time. I could still smell the aroma of garlic, onions, basil, and curry when we went to bed that night. It smelled like home.
-One of Minnie's favorite pastimes is looking out the window for birds. Here they have two patio doors, one of which is behind the couch. So she sits on the couch and gazes outside all day. The backyard is lush with mature trees and many bird feeders. Cardinals, woodpeckers, and other songbirds swoop in and out all day. It makes Minnie so happy.
-Bruce hung a couple of our favorite pictures and my mirror in our bedroom. He also found the decorative pillows for our bed that were accidentally put in the storage unit. I organized our shelves and now our room is tidy, familiar, and cozy.
-Emmie hasn't been bothered by the transition in the least. For her it's awesome - she gets to see both sets of grandparents. The other day we went grocery shopping with my father on a whim. As Bruce's mom put it, she has grandparents who love her "from one side of town to the other."
-One of the schools I used to teach at needed a substitute and reached out to me. I'm really eager to work and be an autonomous adult next week. Plus, I'll be bringing in some dough for a change!
-I've got a fantastic Father's Day planned for Bruce. Keep your fingers crossed that I can pull it off!
I feel better now.
-For dinner on Sunday I made a Thai dish my family always eats, and Bruce's family seemed to like it. I busted out my wok and rice cooker and was at ease in the kitchen for the first time. I could still smell the aroma of garlic, onions, basil, and curry when we went to bed that night. It smelled like home.
-One of Minnie's favorite pastimes is looking out the window for birds. Here they have two patio doors, one of which is behind the couch. So she sits on the couch and gazes outside all day. The backyard is lush with mature trees and many bird feeders. Cardinals, woodpeckers, and other songbirds swoop in and out all day. It makes Minnie so happy.
-Bruce hung a couple of our favorite pictures and my mirror in our bedroom. He also found the decorative pillows for our bed that were accidentally put in the storage unit. I organized our shelves and now our room is tidy, familiar, and cozy.
-Emmie hasn't been bothered by the transition in the least. For her it's awesome - she gets to see both sets of grandparents. The other day we went grocery shopping with my father on a whim. As Bruce's mom put it, she has grandparents who love her "from one side of town to the other."
-One of the schools I used to teach at needed a substitute and reached out to me. I'm really eager to work and be an autonomous adult next week. Plus, I'll be bringing in some dough for a change!
-I've got a fantastic Father's Day planned for Bruce. Keep your fingers crossed that I can pull it off!
I feel better now.
Saturday, June 9, 2012
Cat in the Cradle
It has been called to my attention that I have not shared Minnie's moving story.
Let's just say, she is a total trooper, but the war is starting to wear her down.
Remember how it was 97 degrees the day we moved? She was seriously freaked out when I put her in her carrier and hauled her off to the car. She started open-mouthed panting and then I freaked out because I didn't know if she was too hot or just panicky. I tried to give her some water in the car, and then she escaped under the seat, and it was all cat hair flying around and me on the verge of a breakdown.
When I got her over here, I thought for sure she would just disappear for a few days. That's what Bruce's parents said would happen. I showed her the basement where her food, water, and litter box would be. Then I took her up to Bruce's and my room so she would know where she could hang out. She was all curious, looking around at everything, and not particularly scared anymore.
She's been (mostly) fine ever since. It's the other cats who are having the problem.
She gets chased, hissed at, growled at. When she tries to go down to the basement the other cats get quite territorial. That's completely understandable. They are much older and set in their ways. But Minnie just wants to play!
Funny, she has no issues with the dog. She prances right by the dog without a care. And the dog doesn't mind her, either.
She's taken to sleeping in odd places. She's decided that Emmie is her friend, now that she knows what an enemy is. I've found her in the crib, on the changing table, and she likes to hang around us almost all the time.
Poor Minnie. We think her esteem is starting to wane! Last night she curled up next to us on the bed, and I swear she was feeling sorry for herself.
I hope that the other cats change their tune, or at the very least, get used to Minnie soon.
If humans had as hard of a time adjusting to change as cats do, everyone in this house would be very uncomfortable, indeed!
Let's just say, she is a total trooper, but the war is starting to wear her down.
Remember how it was 97 degrees the day we moved? She was seriously freaked out when I put her in her carrier and hauled her off to the car. She started open-mouthed panting and then I freaked out because I didn't know if she was too hot or just panicky. I tried to give her some water in the car, and then she escaped under the seat, and it was all cat hair flying around and me on the verge of a breakdown.
When I got her over here, I thought for sure she would just disappear for a few days. That's what Bruce's parents said would happen. I showed her the basement where her food, water, and litter box would be. Then I took her up to Bruce's and my room so she would know where she could hang out. She was all curious, looking around at everything, and not particularly scared anymore.
She's been (mostly) fine ever since. It's the other cats who are having the problem.
She gets chased, hissed at, growled at. When she tries to go down to the basement the other cats get quite territorial. That's completely understandable. They are much older and set in their ways. But Minnie just wants to play!
Funny, she has no issues with the dog. She prances right by the dog without a care. And the dog doesn't mind her, either.
She's taken to sleeping in odd places. She's decided that Emmie is her friend, now that she knows what an enemy is. I've found her in the crib, on the changing table, and she likes to hang around us almost all the time.
 |
| Bruce and my mother believe in old wives' tales and so I promptly removed Minnie from the crib - after I had taken this photo! |
I hope that the other cats change their tune, or at the very least, get used to Minnie soon.
If humans had as hard of a time adjusting to change as cats do, everyone in this house would be very uncomfortable, indeed!
Friday, June 8, 2012
Finance Friday
Friday is the day I pay bills for the week. Oh, joy. We are not in the clear yet, that's for sure.
Our plan is simple: save and pay down debt. We would like to develop a nest egg as well as have more money for a down payment on a home. Meanwhile, I will be paying off one bill at a time.
There are several schools of thought when it comes to managing finances. 1) Pay off the smallest bill first, then take whatever $ you were putting towards the old bill and add it to whatever you are paying towards your next-smallest bill. This provides results more quickly and motivates you to keep going. Or you could 2) Pay off the bill with the highest interest rate first. That way less of your money will be going towards interest.
We're working on a combo of Choices #1 and #2 - my smallest bill actually has the highest interest. Last week I put a substantial amount towards it, and that felt really good. However, this week I barely managed to pay a couple bills, save a little, and have spending money for the week, too. That's somewhat discouraging, but I just have to keep my eye on the prize.
Bill-Paying Day inevitably leads to the question: Would I have done things differently? Oh, yes! And: Oh, no! I would have saved more and spent less when I was living with my parents during and after college. I went to community college for the first two years, a local university after that, all while working several jobs. I remember my former boss would say, "Save now, while you're young. Open a Roth IRA and contribute whatever you can towards it. Future You will thank Younger You."
'Yeah, yeah, yeah,' Younger Me thought. Did I? What do you think?
But I loved our beautiful wedding that we couldn't afford. And yes, people still remember it. And I would never have NOT gone to Ireland with my mother, or Scotland with my friends, or any other trip I took when I was living in Europe during grad school. Those experiences made me who I am, and the memories feed me in my hungrier moments.
If I had to do it all over again, I would have been smarter about how I managed my money. Less drinks at the bar in my twenties would have equaled larger payments towards credit cards. Debt isn't necessarily bad, but letting it overcome you is. And there's no excuse for not saving.
We started a savings account for Emmie already. Every week a small amount gets debited from our account and into hers automatically. As soon as she is old enough to understand what money is, I will begin teaching her how to handle it wisely. I grew up in a time when America and our economy seemed golden. Even though my father taught me about finances, I don't think I ever really valued it. I will do my best to make sure Emmie understands the importance of being careful with her money.
Every Friday, I tell myself that I am fixing our futures. So that we can all have new amazing experiences someday.
Our plan is simple: save and pay down debt. We would like to develop a nest egg as well as have more money for a down payment on a home. Meanwhile, I will be paying off one bill at a time.
There are several schools of thought when it comes to managing finances. 1) Pay off the smallest bill first, then take whatever $ you were putting towards the old bill and add it to whatever you are paying towards your next-smallest bill. This provides results more quickly and motivates you to keep going. Or you could 2) Pay off the bill with the highest interest rate first. That way less of your money will be going towards interest.
We're working on a combo of Choices #1 and #2 - my smallest bill actually has the highest interest. Last week I put a substantial amount towards it, and that felt really good. However, this week I barely managed to pay a couple bills, save a little, and have spending money for the week, too. That's somewhat discouraging, but I just have to keep my eye on the prize.
Bill-Paying Day inevitably leads to the question: Would I have done things differently? Oh, yes! And: Oh, no! I would have saved more and spent less when I was living with my parents during and after college. I went to community college for the first two years, a local university after that, all while working several jobs. I remember my former boss would say, "Save now, while you're young. Open a Roth IRA and contribute whatever you can towards it. Future You will thank Younger You."
'Yeah, yeah, yeah,' Younger Me thought. Did I? What do you think?
But I loved our beautiful wedding that we couldn't afford. And yes, people still remember it. And I would never have NOT gone to Ireland with my mother, or Scotland with my friends, or any other trip I took when I was living in Europe during grad school. Those experiences made me who I am, and the memories feed me in my hungrier moments.
If I had to do it all over again, I would have been smarter about how I managed my money. Less drinks at the bar in my twenties would have equaled larger payments towards credit cards. Debt isn't necessarily bad, but letting it overcome you is. And there's no excuse for not saving.
We started a savings account for Emmie already. Every week a small amount gets debited from our account and into hers automatically. As soon as she is old enough to understand what money is, I will begin teaching her how to handle it wisely. I grew up in a time when America and our economy seemed golden. Even though my father taught me about finances, I don't think I ever really valued it. I will do my best to make sure Emmie understands the importance of being careful with her money.
Every Friday, I tell myself that I am fixing our futures. So that we can all have new amazing experiences someday.
Tuesday, June 5, 2012
No Lazy Bums Here
Boooo. I was really excited for today. Bruce's dad went into the office, so it is Emmie's and my first day at home alone. I was going to lounge around in my nightgown, watch TV while Emmie napped, maybe do some stuff on the Internet.
Generally be really lazy and take it easy, which I don't feel comfortable doing when the folks are around, since our stuff is all over the place and needs organizing. There's always something that I could be doing.
But no! The TV, Internet, and phone are all from the same provider and they are NOT WORKING. So, none of that for me. Plus, I have to be home now when the repair guy comes. So sayonara to wearing my nightgown or to even getting out of the house.
This must be some kind of cosmic joke on me.
Oh well. Guess I'll go through the garbage bags of clothes and put them away now. Sigh...
(How am I writing this, you ask? Bruce was kind enough to switch phones with me. He has a smartphone with apps while I have an oldy-but-goody phone with *real buttons*. It can't do anything but call and text, and that, admittedly, is boring on days like today!)
Generally be really lazy and take it easy, which I don't feel comfortable doing when the folks are around, since our stuff is all over the place and needs organizing. There's always something that I could be doing.
But no! The TV, Internet, and phone are all from the same provider and they are NOT WORKING. So, none of that for me. Plus, I have to be home now when the repair guy comes. So sayonara to wearing my nightgown or to even getting out of the house.
This must be some kind of cosmic joke on me.
Oh well. Guess I'll go through the garbage bags of clothes and put them away now. Sigh...
(How am I writing this, you ask? Bruce was kind enough to switch phones with me. He has a smartphone with apps while I have an oldy-but-goody phone with *real buttons*. It can't do anything but call and text, and that, admittedly, is boring on days like today!)
Monday, June 4, 2012
Family, Family, and More Family
On Friday I couldn't wait for Bruce to get home. Time seems to creep by when he's gone, especially since I haven't been working and more so since we've been here. After all the commotion of moving, we were really looking forward to the respite of the weekend.
We left the baby with her grandma while Bruce, his dad, and I ran to the store. It's nice to be able to get out sometimes without disturbing Emmie or dealing with car seats and diaper bags. When we got back the whole family had our first dinner together: chicken breasts off the grill, watermelon, and fresh green beans. The weather was mild and cloudless. Afterwards Bruce and his father played bags in the backyard. It was a fine summery evening.
Except for one thing. As I sat chatting with Bruce's mom on the couch, I couldn't help wondering what our little family of three would be doing if we didn't live here. Whatever we'd be doing, we'd be doing it together, most likely. And so a part of me mourned those days where I could lay my head in Bruce's lap as we watched TV on our couch. Or just he and I would stay up and talk about whatever, play games, or Youtube videos long into the night. Those luxuries became a lot more infrequent after the baby arrived. Now they will be even fewer and farther between.
Then when the guys were done with their game, Bruce set up the Playstation and the four of us (the baby had gone to bed) had drinks and sang songs! It was a perfectly timed refresher of how much we can enjoy his folks' company.
Saturday night Bruce's sister and her fiancé came over, and almost everyone went out to a fundraising benefit we usually all attend. His sister and I stayed home with Emmie. We ordered Chinese, drank some beers, and just talked. I was happy staying home and having a much needed Girl's Night!
Yesterday we finally made it over to my parents' house. They have been expecting a visit from Emmie since we moved. My brother, Charles, made dinner and it was almost weird that we didn't have birthday cake afterwards. Lately we've only seen them for celebrations. It's great that now we're so close we can stop over whenever.
I'm thinking that this is what our life is going to be like: spending a lot of time with family. We will have some friends who won't mind coming over here occasionally. (Those friends are so awesome, by the way, but more on that later.) Otherwise our social scene is going to be wherever we are willing to travel. We aren't going to need those 'guest' towels for a while. Our welcome mat is packed away. I'm hanging on to my duffel bag and such, ready for some getaways. If only gas prices would come down! Friends, look out - we're coming to you!
We left the baby with her grandma while Bruce, his dad, and I ran to the store. It's nice to be able to get out sometimes without disturbing Emmie or dealing with car seats and diaper bags. When we got back the whole family had our first dinner together: chicken breasts off the grill, watermelon, and fresh green beans. The weather was mild and cloudless. Afterwards Bruce and his father played bags in the backyard. It was a fine summery evening.
Except for one thing. As I sat chatting with Bruce's mom on the couch, I couldn't help wondering what our little family of three would be doing if we didn't live here. Whatever we'd be doing, we'd be doing it together, most likely. And so a part of me mourned those days where I could lay my head in Bruce's lap as we watched TV on our couch. Or just he and I would stay up and talk about whatever, play games, or Youtube videos long into the night. Those luxuries became a lot more infrequent after the baby arrived. Now they will be even fewer and farther between.
Then when the guys were done with their game, Bruce set up the Playstation and the four of us (the baby had gone to bed) had drinks and sang songs! It was a perfectly timed refresher of how much we can enjoy his folks' company.
Saturday night Bruce's sister and her fiancé came over, and almost everyone went out to a fundraising benefit we usually all attend. His sister and I stayed home with Emmie. We ordered Chinese, drank some beers, and just talked. I was happy staying home and having a much needed Girl's Night!
Yesterday we finally made it over to my parents' house. They have been expecting a visit from Emmie since we moved. My brother, Charles, made dinner and it was almost weird that we didn't have birthday cake afterwards. Lately we've only seen them for celebrations. It's great that now we're so close we can stop over whenever.
I'm thinking that this is what our life is going to be like: spending a lot of time with family. We will have some friends who won't mind coming over here occasionally. (Those friends are so awesome, by the way, but more on that later.) Otherwise our social scene is going to be wherever we are willing to travel. We aren't going to need those 'guest' towels for a while. Our welcome mat is packed away. I'm hanging on to my duffel bag and such, ready for some getaways. If only gas prices would come down! Friends, look out - we're coming to you!
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