I just read this article from Slate magazine, "The Case Against Working at Home" by Katie Roiphe. In it, she illustrates exactly the same sentiments I've been having lately. It's amazing to work from home, but not much gets done.
Take today, for example. I have two new classes starting less than two weeks from now. One class, the online course, I have been developing for months, and I still feel completely unprepared. The other is an on-the-ground course, the equivalent of English 102, but I've never taught it at this particular school. I intended to begin crafting it today, but there's just so much else going on.
In another post, I'm going to explain the homebuying process as we've been experiencing it so far. Let's just say, I had no idea there was a difference between "pre-qualifying" for a loan and getting "preapproved". To get pre-qualified, you talk to a lender or a broker over the phone and give them some personal financial details. To get preapproved, you need to send over to that lender or broker lots of paperwork. I spent all day trying to download .pdf files of bank statements, 401(k) statements, paystubs. I gathered tax documents from the past several years. All the while, the baby was tugging on my leg and and cooing, "Mama! Mama!" Visions of me, standing up in front of a classroom full of annoyed students, with nothing to say or hand out, flitted through my mind.
I know, I know. I procrastinated. My point is, it's so easy to do when you work from home! I wake up, change and feed the baby. After we eat, we go back upstairs and I open the laptop while the baby plays. But oh! I just remembered I need to balance the checkbook, or buy diapers online. Then it's time for the baby's nap. I'm still in my pajamas or sweats, and I feel gross. So I get in the shower. Afterwards, as I'm towelling my hair dry, I see the baby on the monitor, standing up, waiting for me. Round two: Lunch. Try to get more work done in the afternoon. Then Bruce is home, and I just want to spend time with him.
It's not impossible. I could wake up and take a shower before the baby rises. But I don't. I could work when Bruce gets home, for a few hours after dinner. But I never do. I need a new routine. It's exactly like exercising or eating well. Most of us know we should; it doesn't mean we do.
I thought to myself the other day: Wow. Look at how little I completed, and this was one of the days I actually tried. I could've gotten this same amount of work done in just a couple hours, had I gone in to the "office" (faculty room at school).
"Stop complaining, Annie!" I can hear the protests now. "You get to spend all day, practically every day with your child! You know how many women long to have that comfort?" I do! Men, too. I told Bruce I was going to write about this, and he laughed and offered to switch with me at any time. Well, my situation is unique in that I also spend the entire day with his father, which is awkward. Regardless, the idea is that we all want what we don't have.
The article makes another argument: we are all working too much anyways. Who can disagree with that? My sister-in-law's company took her business cell phone away, but still expects her to take calls after work hours on her personal phone. She's having a hard time refusing. I check my emails every day; the students expect an immediate response. School encourages us teachers to make ourselves "available". It works both ways, too. I went to a faculty symposium where a fellow instructor presented a paper on the benefits of the web as a supplement to regular face-to-face classes. "Now assignments don't have to be due on the day class meets," she beamed. "You can have them submit them online! You can have them participate in online discussions outside of class!"
Those poor students, I couldn't help thinking. When do they get a break?
We all need a break. I need to get out a little more. Bruce wants more time at home. I'm pretty sure when the elderly talk about how "it all went by so fast" this is what they mean. We're all go, go, go, all the time, in our own ways. Just think, a few decades ago people didn't even have tablets and laptops and cell phones with internet to check constantly. How fast will it go by for us? How much will we have really accomplished, and will those accomplishments be the ones that matter?
Wednesday, February 27, 2013
Monday, February 25, 2013
While the Grandparents Are Away
The parents and baby will play!
It's been a fantastic six days. With Bruce's parents away for a week, we've been able to turn this house into our own. After they left, I immediately set out to babyproof the downstairs. It didn't take long to move all the breakables and put up barriers so the baby would stay where I can see her. I was then able to cook lunch while she had some freedom. It was like a whole new world.
Here are some other luxuries in which we've been able to engage. If they seem mundane to you, count your blessings. It's the little things:
- Going down to the basement with no pants on, because they're in the dryer.
- Putting dishes in the sink to wash later, without having to worry that anyone will think you're lazy.
- Having a party on a Friday night with best friends.
- Friends sleeping over: in every bedroom, on the couch, on the floors. Waking up, having some coffee and chatting, deciding to go out to breakfast.
- Cooking with onions and not chopping them microscopic because someone hates them.
- Parking in the garage.
- All three of us spending the whole day in our pajamas. (Me not having to wear a bra!)
- Sitting on the couch after the baby's gone to bed, with a beer or two, watching the TV shows we want to watch.
- Talking with your spouse about anything, in any room of the house, with normal volume (as opposed to whispers).
- Doing the same thing as above, but with friends on the phone.
- Playing music loud, singing, and dancing with your baby.
- Not having to wonder whether anyone is in a bad mood. Or if you might say the wrong thing. Or do something that will make someone say something rude to you.
- Keeping the thermostat set at a reasonable temperature for a baby in wintertime.
- Kissing, cuddling, laughing, and partaking in general merriment with spouse, because you feel like yourself again.
One more glorious day of this! Turns out, Bruce's parents going on vacation was a vacation for us, too!
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| Gate placed in hallway |
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| All the breakables out of reach, so the baby can roam |
Here are some other luxuries in which we've been able to engage. If they seem mundane to you, count your blessings. It's the little things:
- Going down to the basement with no pants on, because they're in the dryer.
- Putting dishes in the sink to wash later, without having to worry that anyone will think you're lazy.
- Having a party on a Friday night with best friends.
- Friends sleeping over: in every bedroom, on the couch, on the floors. Waking up, having some coffee and chatting, deciding to go out to breakfast.
- Cooking with onions and not chopping them microscopic because someone hates them.
- Parking in the garage.
- All three of us spending the whole day in our pajamas. (Me not having to wear a bra!)
- Sitting on the couch after the baby's gone to bed, with a beer or two, watching the TV shows we want to watch.
- Talking with your spouse about anything, in any room of the house, with normal volume (as opposed to whispers).
- Doing the same thing as above, but with friends on the phone.
- Playing music loud, singing, and dancing with your baby.
- Not having to wonder whether anyone is in a bad mood. Or if you might say the wrong thing. Or do something that will make someone say something rude to you.
- Keeping the thermostat set at a reasonable temperature for a baby in wintertime.
- Kissing, cuddling, laughing, and partaking in general merriment with spouse, because you feel like yourself again.
One more glorious day of this! Turns out, Bruce's parents going on vacation was a vacation for us, too!
Wednesday, February 20, 2013
Singing Out Loud
Today is a LOVELY DAY! (Take it, Bill Withers - lovelydaylovelydaylovelydaylovelyday). Bruce's parents have flown out of town and the house is all ours!
The family part of the weekend was pretty much a disaster; the timing couldn't be better. Bruce's mom had originally confided to me that she would make Bruce's favorite cake for his birthday. I never smelled vanilla or warm baked goods in the house, so on Saturday I pulled her aside and questioned her: "Did you make that cake? Or do I need to go out and get something?"
She threw up her hands and gave me a sheepish look.
So Bruce and I picked up dinner for everyone (his parents gave us enough money to cover their and his sister's sandwiches only) and a Superbowl-leftover football-shaped clearance ice cream cake for dessert. I stuck candles in it and his family sang "Happy Birthday." Bruce was majorly disappointed in his parents.
On Bruce's actual birthday, he took the day off, and his mom brought home a (consolation) cake at lunchtime. "No, thanks," he said. "I already ate some of my own cake."
Then Bruce's dad and I had another spat. It was just another instance where I tried to talk to him and he was rude. Whatever. But it got me all upset again. I know I should develop a thicker skin, but the man simply doesn't know how to talk to people sometimes. Remember the dad from the Wonder Years? How he was always grouchy? That's Dad.
And yes, I remember what happened to the dad on that show, and I am aware how quickly life passes by. That's why I try my best to keep the peace and not speak my mind. I don't want to sever our familial ties because our living situation is the beaker and our chemical mixture is reactive. It's not going to last forever, especially since....
We started house hunting!
Our realtor has taken us out twice so far. The first time, we saw five houses. None of them were keepers, but the realtor used it as a learning experience. We saw some features we liked and some we didn't. Some things we were honestly creeped out by. In one house, the little old lady owner was there, photos of her dead husband on the walls, and she was watching - I kid you not - a show about tornadoes. Yup! I walked in and the first thing I saw was a huge, F5 twister on the screen. Strike that house from the list!
Yet he assures us that we will be able to get what we want from our first home. We're not talking mansion or anything, but if we play our cards right and are patient, a good one will come along. The patience part is the hardest. The second time we went hunting, I thought this one duplex might be it. My heart plummeted when our realtor told us the neighborhood wasn't the best. Sigh. I know better that that. When we were driving to meet the realtor, Bruce said, "We have to expect that this process will be difficult. We might love a house and then not get it. It may take a long time. We have to know all this going in." So what did I do? Got my hopes all up.
But today is like a brand new day! While Bruce's parents are gone, all the pressure is lifted. Bruce took several vacation days so we can treasure this time together. For a little while, at least, we can be ourselves again.
The family part of the weekend was pretty much a disaster; the timing couldn't be better. Bruce's mom had originally confided to me that she would make Bruce's favorite cake for his birthday. I never smelled vanilla or warm baked goods in the house, so on Saturday I pulled her aside and questioned her: "Did you make that cake? Or do I need to go out and get something?"
She threw up her hands and gave me a sheepish look.
So Bruce and I picked up dinner for everyone (his parents gave us enough money to cover their and his sister's sandwiches only) and a Superbowl-leftover football-shaped clearance ice cream cake for dessert. I stuck candles in it and his family sang "Happy Birthday." Bruce was majorly disappointed in his parents.
On Bruce's actual birthday, he took the day off, and his mom brought home a (consolation) cake at lunchtime. "No, thanks," he said. "I already ate some of my own cake."Then Bruce's dad and I had another spat. It was just another instance where I tried to talk to him and he was rude. Whatever. But it got me all upset again. I know I should develop a thicker skin, but the man simply doesn't know how to talk to people sometimes. Remember the dad from the Wonder Years? How he was always grouchy? That's Dad.
And yes, I remember what happened to the dad on that show, and I am aware how quickly life passes by. That's why I try my best to keep the peace and not speak my mind. I don't want to sever our familial ties because our living situation is the beaker and our chemical mixture is reactive. It's not going to last forever, especially since....
We started house hunting!
Our realtor has taken us out twice so far. The first time, we saw five houses. None of them were keepers, but the realtor used it as a learning experience. We saw some features we liked and some we didn't. Some things we were honestly creeped out by. In one house, the little old lady owner was there, photos of her dead husband on the walls, and she was watching - I kid you not - a show about tornadoes. Yup! I walked in and the first thing I saw was a huge, F5 twister on the screen. Strike that house from the list!
Yet he assures us that we will be able to get what we want from our first home. We're not talking mansion or anything, but if we play our cards right and are patient, a good one will come along. The patience part is the hardest. The second time we went hunting, I thought this one duplex might be it. My heart plummeted when our realtor told us the neighborhood wasn't the best. Sigh. I know better that that. When we were driving to meet the realtor, Bruce said, "We have to expect that this process will be difficult. We might love a house and then not get it. It may take a long time. We have to know all this going in." So what did I do? Got my hopes all up.
But today is like a brand new day! While Bruce's parents are gone, all the pressure is lifted. Bruce took several vacation days so we can treasure this time together. For a little while, at least, we can be ourselves again.
Friday, February 15, 2013
Broke-r: Finance Friday Part V
Determined to get our own place, yesterday I contacted a mortgage broker who was highly recommended. Over the phone, he asked me tons of questions about our financial situation, including Bruce's income. He didn't ask about mine at first, I think because I had mentioned being "at home." I had to volunteer the fact that I earn money as well.
I once wrote about my job and the unfortunate way it pays. I love what I do, but it doesn't look good to lenders. The mortgage guy would only factor in any job that I've had for at least two years. Well, not too long ago I stopped working at the one school at which I'd been employed the longest, due in part to the distance. That income history doesn't count. Another, well-paying school can't be considered because I just starting working there again after a lengthy hiatus, the years I lived in Chicago. The purse store was part-time, seasonal work. He would only include the money I've made at one school. He wanted the average amount from the past two years. In 2012, I was on maternity leave. I didn't teach at that school for two semesters. That brought the average way down.
Both Bruce and my credit scores are great - well above the 640 needed for an FHA loan. In the year that we've lived with Bruce's parents, we paid down some credit card debt, but also added on a car loan. It's frustrating that nothing has really changed for us after making such a huge sacrifice.
I also can't help feeling like we are being punished because I work as a college instructor and had a baby. When I asked the broker what I could do to increase our loan amount, he told me that I "could get a full time job." Really? That's your advice? To give up the career I'm working towards and put the baby in daycare that will cost as much as my salary? Or live with Bruce's parents for who-knows-how-long until we've paid off our debt and saved more money? The baby might be in school by then! And I will surely have gone to the nuthouse long before.
I once wrote about my job and the unfortunate way it pays. I love what I do, but it doesn't look good to lenders. The mortgage guy would only factor in any job that I've had for at least two years. Well, not too long ago I stopped working at the one school at which I'd been employed the longest, due in part to the distance. That income history doesn't count. Another, well-paying school can't be considered because I just starting working there again after a lengthy hiatus, the years I lived in Chicago. The purse store was part-time, seasonal work. He would only include the money I've made at one school. He wanted the average amount from the past two years. In 2012, I was on maternity leave. I didn't teach at that school for two semesters. That brought the average way down.
Both Bruce and my credit scores are great - well above the 640 needed for an FHA loan. In the year that we've lived with Bruce's parents, we paid down some credit card debt, but also added on a car loan. It's frustrating that nothing has really changed for us after making such a huge sacrifice.
I also can't help feeling like we are being punished because I work as a college instructor and had a baby. When I asked the broker what I could do to increase our loan amount, he told me that I "could get a full time job." Really? That's your advice? To give up the career I'm working towards and put the baby in daycare that will cost as much as my salary? Or live with Bruce's parents for who-knows-how-long until we've paid off our debt and saved more money? The baby might be in school by then! And I will surely have gone to the nuthouse long before.
 |
| Could this be ours someday? |
The bright side is that our realtor seems unconcerned. He feels certain we can still get something decent for our money. As a matter of fact, we have an appointment to look at places tomorrow! We are so excited. We may not end up with a single family home; I may have to forgo my wish to have a basement, but we will buy something. We will be happy anywhere we live - Bruce, Emmie, and me. Our first place might be a 'starter' home, but it'll definitely be where the heart is.
Birthday Schmirthday
Happy Day After Valentine's Day! Last night Bruce, Emmie, and I went out to dinner. Every chance we get to be alone is so sweet. And we needed an escape to put the week's events out of our minds for a while.
We never seem to be short of drama in this household, and Bruce's upcoming birthday is no exception. The old adage: "Treat others as you wish to be treated" doesn't seem to apply here. His family makes a HUGE deal out of birthdays (really, any day that involves presents). Remember last year when we went up to Milwaukee to see his sister on her birthday? What I failed to mention was that we took the trip last minute, dropping plans we had with friends, in order to be there for her because her friends had bailed. We ended up having a really fun time.
The problem is, Bruce's birthday never seems to get the same attention. And he's fed up. It's not that he needs special treatment for a random 30-something birthday. He's not a little boy. We're both just tired of being considerate towards others and not receiving the same consideration back. On several of his birthdays, his parents or sister have gone on vacations. He's heard, "Sorry, we won't be able to make it. Let's do something when we get back" many times. We celebrate according to their schedules.
This year, his mother announced the time, place, and people who would be attending his birthday dinner. She invited her friends, a couple who just happen to be in town. Bruce was never asked what he wanted to do. And it's not like his parents are paying for this occasion, either. Oh, no. In the past, they have grabbed the check and then told us what we owed. Bruce is the only family member who is expected to pay on his own birthday.
Naturally, the arrangements for this Saturday bothered him. He doesn't feel like it's necessary for us all to go out and spend money, since he and I already had dinner plans for Valentine's. He would rather stay home and hang out, family members only. When he said something to his parents, his mother said "Fine" and promptly cancelled all plans. She called his sister and told her not to come. Apparently his mom is miffed that all her hard work went unappreciated. After all, if she didn't plan the party, who would? I guess she assumes we, two adults, are incapable.
Bruce's sister was concerned and smelled funny business. It's a familiar odor around here. So she called Bruce; they talked, and she is still coming. She's fine with staying in and being casual. It's good that she's going to be around this year.
Last night, after we put Emmie to bed, Bruce tried to air his feelings to his father. His dad defended Mom's actions and told Bruce that to other people, "Birthdays aren't that big a deal." Ha! Are you kidding? Well, we'll see if that's the case when we make other plans on their birthdays.
Last year, on my birthday, we had just recently moved in. We didn't celebrate on the actual day because Dad goes to a regular Tuesday night poker game. If it had been just Bruce, Emmie, and me, we would've had some cake after dinner. But instead we had to wait. I really hope we're not here for my next birthday, so we can enjoy it as we please. Which brings me to my next post...
We never seem to be short of drama in this household, and Bruce's upcoming birthday is no exception. The old adage: "Treat others as you wish to be treated" doesn't seem to apply here. His family makes a HUGE deal out of birthdays (really, any day that involves presents). Remember last year when we went up to Milwaukee to see his sister on her birthday? What I failed to mention was that we took the trip last minute, dropping plans we had with friends, in order to be there for her because her friends had bailed. We ended up having a really fun time.
The problem is, Bruce's birthday never seems to get the same attention. And he's fed up. It's not that he needs special treatment for a random 30-something birthday. He's not a little boy. We're both just tired of being considerate towards others and not receiving the same consideration back. On several of his birthdays, his parents or sister have gone on vacations. He's heard, "Sorry, we won't be able to make it. Let's do something when we get back" many times. We celebrate according to their schedules.
This year, his mother announced the time, place, and people who would be attending his birthday dinner. She invited her friends, a couple who just happen to be in town. Bruce was never asked what he wanted to do. And it's not like his parents are paying for this occasion, either. Oh, no. In the past, they have grabbed the check and then told us what we owed. Bruce is the only family member who is expected to pay on his own birthday.
Naturally, the arrangements for this Saturday bothered him. He doesn't feel like it's necessary for us all to go out and spend money, since he and I already had dinner plans for Valentine's. He would rather stay home and hang out, family members only. When he said something to his parents, his mother said "Fine" and promptly cancelled all plans. She called his sister and told her not to come. Apparently his mom is miffed that all her hard work went unappreciated. After all, if she didn't plan the party, who would? I guess she assumes we, two adults, are incapable.
Bruce's sister was concerned and smelled funny business. It's a familiar odor around here. So she called Bruce; they talked, and she is still coming. She's fine with staying in and being casual. It's good that she's going to be around this year.
Last night, after we put Emmie to bed, Bruce tried to air his feelings to his father. His dad defended Mom's actions and told Bruce that to other people, "Birthdays aren't that big a deal." Ha! Are you kidding? Well, we'll see if that's the case when we make other plans on their birthdays.
Last year, on my birthday, we had just recently moved in. We didn't celebrate on the actual day because Dad goes to a regular Tuesday night poker game. If it had been just Bruce, Emmie, and me, we would've had some cake after dinner. But instead we had to wait. I really hope we're not here for my next birthday, so we can enjoy it as we please. Which brings me to my next post...
Monday, February 11, 2013
Keep on Keepin' on
All right. I have a few spare minutes, finally.
The last couple weeks have been pretty intense, not because of the in-laws, but because I've been crazy busy. I'm happy to say that I've completed the continuing education course I was taking (with 120%! What can I say? I can be kind of an overachiever). I'm also officially done at the purse store. I'm mourning the loss of my discount, though it's for the best. We really need to save the money!
While that was going on, I have been trying to create this online course that I will be teaching in March. I've never taught anything like this class before, and I've never taught online. It's kind of a big deal, because the school I work for is just launching their online program. Everything is starting from scratch - I have no blueprint to follow. I'm really excited for this opportunity and hope it will open new doors for me, but all the planning can be overwhelming.
On the home front, things are okay. We got that little reprieve on Friday where we pretended to have our own house. Just one night can make a huge difference! On Saturday, Bruce's parents had friends over, and we decided to just stay home and be social. I had a lot of wine and a good time. Bruce remarked that I spoke to his dad more than I have in weeks. To which I replied, "That's because your dad was in a good mood, better than he has in weeks."
This coming weekend will be all about the in-laws. Bruce's birthday is coming up, so one night we are having dinner to celebrate. He also shares his birthday with an aunt, and this year is her 60th. So the next night we will be going out for an even bigger family dinner. But for that one we don't have to pay!
Then - dum da da dum! Bruce's parents are going on vacation! We cannot wait. Stay tuned!
The last couple weeks have been pretty intense, not because of the in-laws, but because I've been crazy busy. I'm happy to say that I've completed the continuing education course I was taking (with 120%! What can I say? I can be kind of an overachiever). I'm also officially done at the purse store. I'm mourning the loss of my discount, though it's for the best. We really need to save the money!
While that was going on, I have been trying to create this online course that I will be teaching in March. I've never taught anything like this class before, and I've never taught online. It's kind of a big deal, because the school I work for is just launching their online program. Everything is starting from scratch - I have no blueprint to follow. I'm really excited for this opportunity and hope it will open new doors for me, but all the planning can be overwhelming.
On the home front, things are okay. We got that little reprieve on Friday where we pretended to have our own house. Just one night can make a huge difference! On Saturday, Bruce's parents had friends over, and we decided to just stay home and be social. I had a lot of wine and a good time. Bruce remarked that I spoke to his dad more than I have in weeks. To which I replied, "That's because your dad was in a good mood, better than he has in weeks."
This coming weekend will be all about the in-laws. Bruce's birthday is coming up, so one night we are having dinner to celebrate. He also shares his birthday with an aunt, and this year is her 60th. So the next night we will be going out for an even bigger family dinner. But for that one we don't have to pay!
Then - dum da da dum! Bruce's parents are going on vacation! We cannot wait. Stay tuned!
Friday, February 8, 2013
Playing House
Our friends are out of town and they asked us to house-sit. Woohoo!
We ordered Chinese, bought a bottle of wine, and it's just us three. Emmie ate before we left, so she's more interested in playing and running around uninhibited.
We are all so happy.
We ordered Chinese, bought a bottle of wine, and it's just us three. Emmie ate before we left, so she's more interested in playing and running around uninhibited.
We are all so happy.
Saturday, February 2, 2013
Friday, February 1, 2013
Here We Go
On Saturday our best friends Jeanette and 8-Track are getting married! I am maid of honor and Bruce is a groomsman. There's so much to do! This week has been a whirlwind of parenting, homework, plenty of work-work, speech writing, speech practicing, maid of honor duties like getting nails done and bustle fittings, shopping, ahhhhhh!!!
The baby is going to stay overnight at my folks' house, too, which is slightly nerve-wracking. Then my in-laws are bringing her to the ceremony in a pretty velvet dress. I just hope she doesn't cry, "Mama!" as I walk down the aisle. I can't wait until my speech is over so I can party!
One bit of promising news that I wanted to share is that we've been in contact with our realtor and he is confident that we will get a good loan. He put us in touch with a broker he recommends and has begun sending us home listings via email. Yay! We're on our way!
Okay, I gotta go. The next 30 hours is going to be nonstop!
The baby is going to stay overnight at my folks' house, too, which is slightly nerve-wracking. Then my in-laws are bringing her to the ceremony in a pretty velvet dress. I just hope she doesn't cry, "Mama!" as I walk down the aisle. I can't wait until my speech is over so I can party!
One bit of promising news that I wanted to share is that we've been in contact with our realtor and he is confident that we will get a good loan. He put us in touch with a broker he recommends and has begun sending us home listings via email. Yay! We're on our way!
Okay, I gotta go. The next 30 hours is going to be nonstop!
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