Family Reliance

This month we had to say goodbye to our good friends who are moving away.  This couple, who have lived in apartments throughout their marriage, recently had a baby daughter and are looking to put down roots.  The wife's parents live in Florida and happen to own another house on the same street.  Thus, our friends are flying the Illinoisan coop and making a nest down south.

We are sad to see them go, but the wonderful aspect of this day and age is that we can still witness their daughter as she grows up and vice versa, due to technology and social media.  Plus, the upside is that we can visit them!  We are already penciled in for Spring Break 2014.

Our friends aren't the only ones who are depending upon family to start new chapters of their lives.  We know another couple who just had their second baby and will be moving out of Chicago and back to our suburban hometown, where we all grew up.  The husband's mom still owns a house there.  An older son resided there for over a decade, but he has generously given up his living situation in favor of his brother and family.  One of the only things I miss about our former town is the people there!

Similarly, Bruce works with a friend who is in the process of buying a house.  While she and her husband are sorting out all the details and paperwork (Housebuying bureaucracy is the worst.  Don't I know it!), they are planning to move in with her mom - for the second time in their relationship - because their apartment lease is up.

My mom came over the other day to help out with Emmie when I wasn't feeling well.  She will infrequently come to my aid but must make me feel bad about it while she's doing it.  She chided, "You need to learn how to rely on yourself.  When I was raising you and your brother, I didn't have anyone."

I pointed out, that's because my father's family lived on the other side of the world, and she didn't have a healthy relationship with her own family.

My mother's values were formed by her past and the way she raised us.  I know she loves Emmie, and in the time she spends with her, she shows it in her own way.  Yet I disagree with her.  One of the strongest ways to exemplify love is to help one another, to give selflessly of our time and resources.  Bruce's parents did by letting us move in with them for a year, though it was admittedly awkward for everyone.  It was also an amazing way for them to spend time with their first grandchild.  They miss her so much now, they jump at the chance to babysit.  That was an unforeseen perk of moving out!

Every young parent I know has family support.  Their parents, siblings, cousins - all assist one another.  And it goes both ways.  Your grandma watches your kid while you're at work, you help her clean out her garage.  Your parents take your baby for a weekend so you can have grownup time, you come over to their house early and lend a hand with preparing Christmas dinner.  Your sister carpools your children, you carpool hers.

Maybe in our culture we don't all live on the same land like a tribe, but we are still part of a bond that goes back to the birth of humanity.  I think that the economic downturn really brought this point back to a large portion of our society's collective consciousness.  When we don't have enough money to live independently, we learn to lean on others again.  We don't always have to be focused on ourselves, on our individual lives.  We have family.

It's okay to need people.