Here I Go Again

My makeup's on; my pants are in the dryer.  My work bag is packed.  Soon I'll be on my way.

Emmie's sleeping.  I am debating whether or not to wake her and feed her before I go, or if I should have Bruce give her a bottle when he gets home.  Nursing and its issues* are not the only things on my mind in these last moments before I officially return to work. 

I am nervous, because teaching is much like performing, though harder, in my opinion.  I acted on the stage for more two decades of my life.  When you're teaching your audience is only kind of looking to be entertained.  Simultaneously they are looking to get an education, while tired, bored, and restless.  Let's be honest, we judge our teachers. I have to be personable, reasonable, knowledgeable, and fair all at once.  Plus, I can see my audience - the lights are on.

I'm also sad, because my maternity leave is over.  In the last post, I was all empowered and ready to go out and conquer the working world.  But facing the next 30-some years of my life is daunting today.  I still count my blessings, because as unstable as my job is at times, it allows me the opportunity to be home with my child more than most working mothers.  Mega-plus, we avoid paying for childcare.

And I can't wait to get paid!  Regularly!  I'm looking forward to seeing the dollars in action.  For the past three months (damn, has it been that long already?) I've gotten depressed because our financial situation hasn't really changed.  Even though our rent is lower here, we are still scrimping to get by, paying the minimum towards our debt, trying to make it to the next pay day.  It's about time for some freakin' CHANGE.

That's the dryer ringing.  Deep breath...

*For an enlightening view on breastfeeding and the contradictions of American society, read Mom-101's post and the discussion that follows here.  One of my concerns about going back to work is not having a place to pump.  Which means that Emmie won't be getting the nutrition she deseves.